“They can’t be tamed around you,” he teases, pulling my hand so I come falling onto his chest. Framing my face with his hands, he moves his nose down my face. “Want me to ask you to date me?”
“No.”
“Why?”
“’Cause I don’t want to say no to you.”
“Then don’t.”
He says it so simply, like it’s not a big deal for this to go down. He doesn’t understand what could happen. He’s never been in love. Never had his heart shattered and his world demolished. He doesn’t know the real pain that can come.
“I’m not asking for forever, Avery. I see those wheels turning in that head of yours. I just want to date you—don’t overthink this.”
I eye him skeptically, moving my finger along his jaw. “So you don’t want me to be ‘your girl,’ as you called me earlier?”
His face breaks into a grin as his brows rise, his eyes locking on to mine. “That’s dating.”
“Um, no. That’s the girlfriend/boyfriend zone.”
His grin falls, and this time, he’s the one with the wheels turning. “Hm. So what’s dating?”
Rolling my eyes, I smile. “Hanging out, but we do what we want.”
“What’s the level between that and the girlfriend/boyfriend zone?”
“I have no clue. I don’t think there is one.”
He shrugs. “We’ll make one. Call it Javery.”
“Javery?”
“Yeah, it’s where we hang out but we don’t hook up with anyone else, just each other, unless the other person is cool with it.”
I laugh. “So you can honestly say you’re gonna be fine with me hooking up with someone else?”
He frowns. “Hell no, and don’t act like you’d be cool with me fucking someone else either.”
Dropping my face to his chest, I shake my head because he’s right. I’d freak if he got with someone else. I don’t know why since he isn’t mine, but it would hurt if he did. I don’t want to tell him that, so instead, I say, “You’re crazy.”
Wrapping his arms around my back, he holds me, kissing my head. He keeps holding on to me for a second, and we just lie there as the sounds of the Zamboni start. Letting out a long breath, I relax against Jace and I can hear his heart, steady and strong. It’s obvious what’s happening between us, and I know I shouldn’t fight it, but it scares me. I don’t want to get hurt. I don’t want to forget my main goal, and I feel that can happen if I give in to these developing feelings.
“I’ve been in love before, Jace,” I whisper then and his arms tighten around me. I really don’t know why I said that, but I feel like I owe him a reason for not wanting what he wants. If he had his way, he’d tattoo his name on my neck and keep me as his; I can see it in his eyes. But I remember Caleb looking at me like that too. I remember him telling me we were going to be together for the rest of our lives. But then one day, it was like a switch and he was over me. Things change, people change, and people get hurt in the end. Lived it, almost didn’t survive it, and it scares me to try again. I want to say it’s just my need to make my dreams come true, but it’s more than that. Not only do I want to prove that I am important, that my life is worth living, but I never want to give anyone the chance to hurt me again. Though, I feel like I’m slowly letting that go for Jace, and I feel stupid for that.
Didn’t I learn the first time?
As I bite into my lip to keep the tears at bay because I just don’t know what to do, he says into my hair, “It didn’t end well, I’m guessing?”
“Not even kinda,” I say as the tears threaten to fall. “And I can’t do all that again.”
His heart picks up in cadence in his chest, and my eyes fall shut from the swooshing sound. He says his favorite sound is the sounds of the Zamboni, but if he heard what I did, the strong sounds of his heart beating, he’d choose that as his favorite sound. It’s becoming mine.
“I don’t know the dude, and I don’t ever want to meet him because I might kill him for hurting you. But it isn’t fair to assume that I’ll do what he did. I’m not a bad dude. What you see is what you get. I love my family, I love hockey, and I love my friends. I’m loyal as shit, and I don’t ever want to hurt someone the way my mom and sister got hurt. I get you, and I understand. But why let go of what this is, whatever it is, you know? Give me a chance.”
Closing my eyes, I nuzzle my nose into his chest as my heart jumps into my throat. Didn’t I say I want to feel alive? I want to live? I know I did, and when I’m with this guy, I feel that way. I’ve never felt more important than I do under his gaze. Is it what I was looking for? No. I wanted fun and sex. I wanted to get by until my dreams came true, but that might not be the case anymore.
I might want more.
“Fine, how about Javery is just us being us and not labeling anything?” I whisper before looking up at him. He doesn’t like it, I can tell. He wants it all, and I really don’t know if I can give him that. I’m pretty sure giving him everything would involve me opening up about things I never want to share with anyone. I just don’t think I can do that. “I, too, am very loyal and I would never want to hurt anyone I respect. And I respect you, Jace, but I’m not ready to hand you my heart. It’s only day one, you know? And we could hate each other come Friday.”