“Am I hurting you?”
“No.”
“Then what’s wrong? Do you want me to stop?”
I can’t answer him because, while I do, I don’t. I want to continue. I want to be normal, but I can’t stop thinking about what he could see.
“Answer me,” he demands, and I slowly open my eyes, my heart pounding so hard it hurts as he makes our gazes meet. “What the hell is wrong?”
“I want the lights off,” I whisper and his brows crash together in worry.
“Why, though? I love looking at you,” he says roughly, his lips moving against mine. “You’re beautiful, Avery.”
And I believe him, but I can’t shake this anxiety that is eating me alive.
“Please.”
His eyes search mine for maybe another second, and then he gets up. Quickly, I pull my skirt down as he climbs down the ladder, hits the lights, and then gets back in bed. As he covers my body with his, I wait for him to get back inside me, but he frames my face, running his thumb along my jaw. “I didn’t realize it was such a big deal.”
“Yeah, sorry,” I say, sucking in a deep breath.
He pauses. “I’m really sorry. I should have listened. I’m a little drunk.”
“It’s fine,” I say quickly. But it isn’t. My heart is still pounding against my ribs and I feel sweat dripping down my back. I feel like I’m going to puke, and I hate it. I hate how I feel right now.
Continuing to move his thumb along my jaw, he rolls off me and pulls me against him. Confused, I look up at him, the light from the street lamp shining into the room and glowing against his face. “You don’t want to finish?”
He shakes his head. “No, I want to hold you.”
“Jace, it’s okay.”
“No, it’s not. I don’t know why, and I hate that. But I’m sorry, and I just want to hold you until you feel better.”
Closing my eyes, I feel my lip start to wobble as I cuddle into him. “I’m fine.”
“Don’t lie to me,” he said sternly, his arms swallowing me up.
Relaxing against him, I nod. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. Just relax.”
“No, really, I’m sorry,” I say as my heart continues to pound in my chest. “I’m all kinds of messed up.”
He shakes his head, though. “Just be quiet. Calm down, your heart is pounding so hard, it’s hurting my chest.”
I press my lips together as a tear rolls down my cheek and off my chin. I feel him tense up, but I can’t stop. And soon the tears are falling in streams down my face, but he just holds me tighter, his lips in my hair. Closing my eyes tightly, I hate that I’ve done this. That I’m weak and pathetic.
“I’m really sorry,” he whispers, and it kills me.
“You did nothing wrong.”
“I should have listened.”
“No, it’s my fault. I have this thing about the lights,” I say as I suck in a breath.
“I know, and I didn’t respect that. I’m sorry.”
“Please stop saying that,” I beg and his arms come tighter around me, his lips at my brow.