“I just don’t want to seem weak in front of you, and that’s why I didn’t want to tell you.”
“You’re not weak, Avery.”
“Yes, I am.” She pulls back to look at me. Her face is completely red, snot is escaping her nose, and her bottom lip is trembling. She looks downright pitiful and it’s killing me.
“No, I don’t see that.”
“Because you don’t know this part of me.”
“And even when I know this part, I still won’t see you as weak. I’ll see you as someone who is fighting to stay afloat. And the thing is, you don’t have to fight alone, Avery. I’m here for you.”
Her lips tremble more as she looks away, wiping her face, and my heart really can’t take it. I don’t want her to cry, I don’t want her to feel weak, not when I see this amazing, strong woman.
“A weak person wouldn’t leave what they know for something new to pursue their dreams. A weak person wouldn’t try to be with someone after being hurt by another. You’re not weak, Avery.”
“Fine, I’m pathetic since I did it because of him. I did it because it was the only thing I could control since I couldn’t control how he treated me or what he said to me.” She pauses, sucking in a deep breath. “He was just awful to me, Jace. And I know you don’t understand any of this, but that’s ’cause you didn’t go through life with no one caring about you. Finally, I thought I’d found someone who cared about me, but then it went bad. I’d wanted so badly for it to work that when it didn’t, I had to feel something, so I cut myself.”
She chances a glance at me, and hell, I don’t know what my face is saying, but it must be bad because she looks away, a sob tearing from her. Swallowing hard around my emotions that want to escape, I reach out, taking her hands in mine, kissing the back of them. She looks up at me, her eyes softening as I meet her gaze again.
“Okay. But, Avery, you learned from it, right? You haven’t done it since? It ended because he’s gone?” I ask, hopeful, but when her eyes avert down, my heart sinks.
“Yeah, yeah. And I promise, I haven’t done it in months, almost ten, but I thought about it today when I got overwhelmed. But I didn’t have my meds today ’cause I slept over.”
“Okay,” I say softly. “But you didn’t cut.”
“No, I didn’t.”
“Then you’re winning, baby. Don’t beat yourself up. You’re fighting this.” She still won’t look at me or even agree that I’m right. Who knows if I am, but I’m trying. I don’t know what to say, and hell, I don’t understand it. But those scars are a part of her, and I love everything about her. Even the dents and bruises—or cuts in this case.
“Avery, look at me.”
When she looks up, her tears rolling down in rivers, I frame her face. “This doesn’t change anything or how I feel about you.”
“It should. You should run,” she cries as our fingers lace together. “I don’t want you to, though, if that counts for anything.”
Could my heart break any more for this girl? I’m sure it can, but man, she’s killing me while also provoking such rage against her family and the douche who hurt her. How dare they? How could they not see her begging for attentio
n, for love? It’s just not fair, but I swear to God, she’ll never have to beg for attention or love from me. Never.
“It counts, Avery, and I’m not going anywhere. I’m here. Me and you.”
When she wraps her arms around my neck, she basically climbs into my lap. I hold her tightly as she cries against my shoulder. Running my fingers down her back, I feel so much better. I had been so worried. Yeah, this didn’t go as planned, but it went and it’s settled.
Now all we can do is move forward, hopefully with no other hiccups.
But then I remember my dad will be at the game tomorrow, and that is one hell of a hiccup. But it doesn’t affect us.
No, we are good.
We will always be good.
When I lay us down, she presses her nose to mine and her eyes burn into mine as her fingers dance along my jaw. My lip curves at the side as I search her gaze before I ask, “Don’t you feel better?”
She smiles a bit. “I’m embarrassed, but I’m glad you know. Now I won’t have to hide.”
“No, you never have to hide.”
Cupping my face, she moves her nose along mine. “How did I get so lucky to meet you?”