Jace: Do you believe him?
Me: I think so. He sounded sincere and it went down so bad, it was really unlike him.
Jace: Yeah, well, at least you know the truth.
Me: There is that.
Jace: Are you gonna confront him?
Me: I don’t know, he just tried to kill me when I called him out.
Jace: What?
Me: It’s nothing.
Jace: I swear to God, I’m gonna kill that dude.
Me: Thanks but no, and I mean, what would it do if I confront him?
Jace: Nothing, but it will make us all feel better if I knock his teeth to the back of his throat.
Shaking my head, I roll my eyes.
Me: Hockey players are so violent.
Jace: Yeah, yeah, but whatever, you’re coming home soon.
Me: I am.
Jace: And it’s all I care about. Leave that shitshow there and come home.
Me: Will do.
Leaning back in the chair, I shake my head.
Wow.
I still can’t believe this.
But one thing is for sure…
Today has been insane.
Sitting back in the chair in my doctor’s office, I cross my legs, pulling my sweater dress across my knees as I wait. It’s crazy cold in Jersey, of course, and it’s already snowing. I love snow, but I’m not staying here. Not a snowball’s chance in hell. If the last three hours have taught me anything, it’s that I can’t trust my family. Not even the person who is supposed to be closest to me. My twin. No, not even him.
It’s so sad.
Scrolling through my Facebook as I wait, I try not to let everything bother me. I felt so strong in front of Matty, but now I don’t. I feel anxious. I feel like he could come after me. I shouldn’t feel that way. It’s unbelievable, so malicious, and I don’t think I’ll ever look at him the same again. Not that I ever held him in high regard anyway.
The whole ride here, I went back and forth. Wondering if I should out him, tell my parents what he has done, who he is. But then, what would it accomplish? Would they love me more? Would they treat me better? Would they actually care about my feelings?
As much as I hate him, and as horrible as the things are that he’s done to me, I know I’d never deliberately out him. I’m angry, but I’m not heartless. Revenge is a nasty thing. You can lose yourself. I’ve been witness to it, and I really don’t want to succumb to it. I don’t want to lose myself. I know who I am, I love me—and Matty… He’s nothing to me anymore.
He’s the one who has to deal with his own unhappiness.
Glancing at the time, I worry that I’ll miss my flight. Dr. Perry is taking longer than usual getting my prescription. Maybe she’s upping me to the max because of how I unloaded on her. I’ve been talking for the last hour, telling her everything that happened. She asked me what I wanted, and I told her I didn’t know. Because I didn’t. But now, I know I don’t want anything to do with it. I’m letting it go. Letting them go, letting my brothers go, and Matty, for sure. His pain won’t bring me pleasure. I’m not a sick freak like he is.
I’m a good person.