She nods. “I found out at the doctor’s appointment this afternoon. They do a bunch of tests before they give scrips, and my pregnancy test was positive. Even the second one I made them do.” She’s talking so fast, I’m surprised I catch everything she says.
“Okay.”
“I’m so sorry.”
My mind is muddled, but I shake my head. “Don’t apologize. We both lay down together. We knew what could happen.”
“But we took precautions.”
I shrug, swallowing hard, hoping my heart will get out of my throat. “And they didn’t work. It happens. I was a birth-control baby, that’s why my mom says I’m amazing, ’cause I was coming into this world one way or another.”
But my mom was also in her thirties.
I’m only nineteen.
With a bright future ahead of me.
She nods, her tears rolling down her face as she holds my gaze. She’s freaking out, I can see that, and I can’t have that. We are okay. It might seem like a lot, but we are okay. Holding her close, I kiss her nose and then her mouth quickly. Looking deep into her eyes, I try to smile but I think I look like I’m having a seizure. “We will figure this out.”
But she shakes her head. “No, Jace. I know this isn’t planned, and Lord knows this is the last thing we both want. I really am sorry; I should have gotten on birth control a long time ago.”
“Avery, don’t be so hard on yourself. It’s not like I was making sure the condom worked. I was too busy getting in your pants. It’s fine. We will figure this out.”
“I just don’t want to jeopardize your career, Jace,” she cries and I shake my head.
“You’re not—”
“Which is why I made an appointment to get an abortion tomorrow.”
Everything stops.
What?
Swallowing hard, I hold her gaze, unsure what to say to that. I didn’t expect her to say that. I didn’t even think it was on the table. My mouth is moving, but nothing is coming out as her tears splash onto my shirt.
“You don’t think we should think on this?”
She shakes her head almost violently. “We can’t, Jace. We’ll start to think we can do this, and we can’t. It’s really the only option. I thought it over and over again on the plane. And the thing is, I can’t carry it and give it to someone else. I just can’t, but we can’t keep it. We are too young, we have so much happening, and ugh, Jace. I’m so sorry. I know you don’t want this.” My heart is in my throat. I can’t speak as her eyes search mine. She seems so sure, so determined to do this. “I mean, I can’t have a career and take care of a baby, and neither can you. What if we don’t work out? Then we are taking turns raising a child. I don’t want to be Lucy and her douche ex; I want to be us. I want to make sure we are stable. I mean, you work at a coffee shop. I’m just an intern. It would be dumb to bring a child into this world.”
Looking down, I close my eyes. I know she is making sense, but it just doesn’t feel right. “Say something,” she yelps, and I swallow my sob back as I squeeze my eyes shut tight.
Fucking hell.
Running my hand down my face, I look up at her and take her face in my hands. “I’m so sorry that I don’t know what to say right now,” I get out, the lump in my throat hurting as my eyes burn with tears. “I’m sorry we’re in this situation, but I will stand by you and support you in every way possible. This is your body and your choice. I love you, Avery. With everything in my soul.”
Her face is red, her tears not stopping as she holds my gaze. “Will you please go with me?”
That breaks me, and I look away. A tear is rolling down my cheek, but I don’t allow any more. I have to be strong for her. I look up into her gorgeous face and nod. “Yes. Of course.”
She hiccups a sob and covers her face, her cries jerking her body hard. “I’m so scared.”
Holding her tighter, I dust her temple with kisses and whisper, “Me too.”
She turns her face into my neck and just howls with her tears. Closing my eyes as her body rocks against mine, I allow myself to cry with her. We didn’t plan this, and something like this is life-altering. She’s right. We aren’t ready for this. We have a plan, a life to live, one that could be ruined by a child. We aren’t even remotely ready to have a baby. We are young, not only in age but also in our relationship. While I know we will be together forever, and she may know too, she’s already doubted us. Because of that, I have no clue what to say to make her change her mind about the procedure.
I sure as hell don’t know how to tell her I don’t want to go through with it.
I can’t sleep.