My heart stops as I suck in a breath.
Oh, shit.
A part of me is like, go get the condoms. Her eyes are begging me to do that, but something is telling me no. I really don’t know what it is. I’m not usually like this. I’m not saying I get around, but I don’t wait to be in a relationship with a girl before I fuck them. If I can get some, I’m getting some. I’m a dude, but this, this is fucking different.
And it’s freaking me the hell out.
It’s honestly making me crazy, and I don’t know what it is. Maybe it’s because I can still see the tears leaking out down her face as she admitted that she wanted to live. I don’t understand that statement. To me, she’s living a pretty badass life, but maybe there is more. Maybe she is damaged, and if that’s the case, I can’t add to that. While I don’t mind being the guy to give her an escape—I’d truly enjoy it—I also want to be more than that. I also know she is worth more than that.
Fucking hell, I feel like such a fucking chick.
“Jayden?” she whispers against my lips.
Swallowing hard, I suck in a breath, her breath, and everything inside me is torn. Do I do what I want, and is that even what I really want? Do I want to be the vessel to get her off and then let her go? And does she really want that?
Or is it all the alcohol talking? I mean, she’s fought me all day, and now, she wants me?
Opening my eyes, I meet her hooded gaze as she says, “Go get a condom. I want you.”
I just don’t know, but I do know something. Something I have to tell her right now. Cupping her face, I run my thumb along her bottom lip. “You are gorgeous, Baylor. Don’t ever forget that.”
She smiles, and for once she doesn’t deflect my compliment. Instead, she says, “I won’t.”
“Promise me,” I say with all the conviction in the world.
Slowly nodding, she says, “I promise I won’t.”
I have her in my grasp, in my space, and I don’t want to let go. As her fingers tangle in my hair, her eyes pleading mine for a release, I know I can’t do this. Dropping my mouth to hers, I kiss her and I am completely captured by her. She has the mouth of an angel, taking every single breath from me and causing my heart to beat out of my chest. I’m unsure how I am going to walk away from this sexy, beautiful girl, but I don’t want to be her tool to get off from. I don’t want her to remember me and regret me.
I couldn’t bear it.
Kissing her once more, I get off her and stand as I suck in a deep breath. She smiles up at me before biting into her lip. She looks so sexy, all flushed and ready for me. Am I sure about this?
“Hurry,” she says softly, and I can’t believe it. But I step away, heading for the door. As I open the door, I look back at her. She’s watching me, and I want to tell her that I’m sorry, but I can’t do this. But I also don’t think I can tell her no either. If she tries to talk me into it, I’ll cave, and I can’t do that.
She deserves better.
She deserves to be sober, to have someone treasure her body and enjoy it. I know I can do that, and maybe it’s selfish of me, but I want her to remember it. I want her to enjoy it. To never forget me. The way we both are, I don’t think that will happen, and that alone has me opening the door to leave.
Locking it behind me, I head out and go to look for Delanie. The only problem is I can’t find her. She’s probably in the room with Jace and I almost go in there, but luckily I see Mandie at the counter on her phone. As I walk up to her, she glances up at me but then drops her gaze back to her phone almost immediately. Almost like she didn’t recognize me, but then she looks back up, her brows pulled together.
“What’s wrong?” she asks me as I stop in front of her.
“Um, well, Baylor is drunk. And yeah, can you take her home?”
She stands up, tucking her phone in her pocket. “Yeah, of course. Is she throwing up?” she asks just as Jude comes up.
“Everything okay?” he asks and I nod. “You sure? You look like you’re gonna puke.”
“Yeah, I’m just drunk,” I say, sucking in a breath, and I am. The room is spinning, and even so, I know I can’t do this. I feel like I should get a medal for that. Some guys would take advantage of the situation, but I won’t do that. I could just go to sleep, tell her to cuddle with me, but I don’t trust myself. As pathetic as that sounds, as soon as her ass touches my dick, I’m done for. “And Baylor, she’s drunk. She needs to go home,” I say, looking down at the ground.
>
Jude’s face scrunches up. “You sure?”
I nod. “Yeah.”
“Okay,” Mandie says slowly, obviously confused, before walking past me. I follow behind her with Jude behind me. When we reach my door, I unlock it to find Baylor is lying there naked in my bed. Blocking Jude’s view, I gasp because the horror on her face when she realizes that Mandie is with me feels like she’s kicked me in the chest.