Pushing the door open to my dad’s house, I swallow the sob as I slam it shut. I know if I go back to Jayden and tell him I want to try, he’ll take me in his arms and kiss away my tears. That’s Jayden, he doesn’t hold a grudge—but I can’t do that to him. I have to know for sure. I have to be sure that it’s what I want.
“Bay?”
As I look across the living room, my dad comes out of his bedroom, pulling his shirt down. I can tell he just got out of the shower but then I see that his eyes are full of worry. Probably because he thinks I’m gonna snap at him again. “Where have you been?”
Being fucked by Jayden in the stairwell of the rink, and oh my God, it was perfect, but I walked away because I’m scared.
Any other time, I’d be honest. I mean, it’s my dad, my best friend, but I can’t say it. Dad ruined Seth when things went south and he learned that Seth was using me to get my dad’s favoritism. I mean, like ruined him. Got him picked last in the draft, and he was sent all the way down to the EHL. I mean, that’s the lowest of the lows, not that Seth didn’t deserve it, but still. My dad doesn’t play, and he trusts Jayden, likes him. If I tell him what happened, I’m not sure how he’ll take it.
He wasn’t too happy when I started dating Seth. It was the first guy I’d ever professed my love for, but he’s always wanted me to find a doctor or lawyer or someone like that. He doesn’t want me to be with a hockey player because he is sure that’s what drove my mom away from him. The constant being gone, and because, really, you’re not married only to the player, you’re married to the game too.
But I’m completely attracted to them.
No. I’m attracted to Jayden.
I want him.
Ugh.
“Just clearing my head,” I say sadly, running my hands down my face to keep from meeting his gaze. “I’m gonna go get my things to move.”
But when I go to leave the room, I don’t get far before he’s wrapping his arms hard around me. I want to stay tense; I don’t want the comfort, I don’t deserve it. I failed. I’m disappointed in myself, but there is something about my daddy’s embrace that has me slowly relaxing against him, pressing my nose into his chest. Then I let go. I cry so hard against him as he holds me close, kissing the top of my hair.
“Bay, it’s only the captainship. I know you wanted it, but baby, it’s no big deal. It doesn’t define you. You are the best, but you don’t lead, and that’s fine. I wasn’t a leader at your age; that didn’t come till later.”
I know this. How am I supposed to lead when I won’t even let anyone close enough to know who I am? I nod, sucking in a breath as I rub my nose on his shirt. “I know that, but I never want to disappoint you.”
He pauses then before slowly lifting my chin to look at him. “Is that what you think has happened?”
Tears escape from my eyes as I slowly nod. “I saw it in your eyes. You were completely disappointed in me, and I don’t blame you. I failed you. I knew the end goal, I knew what I was supposed to do, and I didn’t perform.”
He shakes his head and sucks in a breath before letting it out his nose. “I’m hard on you, I know that. I mean, I’m your biggest critic. But Bay, I’m your biggest fan too.”
“I know that, Dad, but you have every right to be disappointed in me.”
Looking me deep in the eyes, he shakes his head. “Baylor, never in the twenty-one years of your life have I been disappointed. You never cease to amaze me. You blow me away just by breathing, my sweet girl,” he says, and my lip starts to wobble. My dad isn’t very sensitive, but sometimes he does say the kind of things a girl needs to hear from her dad, and that was one of them. “You are so damn hard on yourself. You beat yourself up more than I could even think to. It drives me insane.”
“I just want to make you proud,” I repeat and I swear, I sound like a broken record, but I have to remind myself what I am doing. Who this is for.
“Baby, I am proud. I mean, come on, I don’t know what you saw, but I was just worried about you. I’ve never seen you puke like that.”
Shrugging, I look away. “I thought you were mad ’cause I couldn’t finish.”
He scoffs. “Bay, we both know you’d have kept going if I hadn’t told you that you were done. You’re just so damn hardheaded.”
I nod, wiping my face. “I just wanted it so bad.”
“I know, baby, but you have to agree with me—Sinclair deserved it.”
I nod again because I know it’s true. “The team has been his since the start.”
“I know, and no matter how much I wanted to give it to you, I knew he deserved it. The kid is a natural-born leader.”
“Yeah,” I agree, and then I close my eyes. “I just hate losing.”
“It’s a good life lesson for you. Can’t be the best at everything.”
“Yes, I can,” I challenge back, and he laughs.