“Delanie and Mandie said the same thing,” she says before looking over at me.
“And?”
“And no, I don’t see us that way. I’d like to see it being long-term.”
“Then isn’t it part of the process for me to fall for you?” I ask, and she nods.
“Yeah, right now, it just seems early to me.”
“Maybe, but it happens when it wants to. You can’t control it,” I remind her, and she nods.
“Oh, I know that. If I could, I wouldn’t have wasted my love on Seth,” she says, sucking in a deep breath. She lets it out as I watch her, trying to read her. She’s trying to close up on me, and I curse Delanie and Mandie. Couldn’t they just leave her alone?
“I don’t know, it just freaks me out.”
“What does?”
“Love,” she answers with a shake of her head.
“Why’s that?” I ask, and slowly she brings her lip between her teeth. She doesn’t answer for a long time, she only sits there, her fingers moving against the palm of my hand as she continues to chew on her lip.
Finally looking over at me, she looks deep into my eyes and whispers, “Because my dad loved my mom so much. They were supposed to get married and all this jazz, but she just left him, me. Then Seth used me and left me. It seems like everyone I love leaves me.”
“But your dad,” I remind her. “He wouldn’t leave you for anything. He quit for you because he loves you so much.”
A small smile pulls at her lips as she nods. “He’s the only reason I even believe in love.”
Staring at her profile, I honestly want to cry for the girl who’s been hurt by these people who should have done right by her. I wish I had been her first love because I would have been her only. I would never have used her or thrown her to the side. I would have loved her with all my soul and cared for her the way she needed to be cared for. I can’t erase what her mom did to her, but I can and will erase what that douche-bag did to her. But I gotta make her realize that there is love out there for her. My love.
“Maybe I can be another reason?” I suggest almost in a whisper.
Her eyes widen a bit as her gaze holds mine. Sucking in a breath and then letting it out her nose, she slowly nods. “I think you could be.”
I don’t know what I expected her to say, but that surprises the living hell out of me, that’s for sure. “Yeah?”
“Yeah,” she says, leaning to me and rubbing her nose against mine. “I just worry that I’m not worth all the trouble.”
Wrapping my arms around her, I pull her in close and close my eyes against her cheek. “You’re more than worth it, Baylor. I promise you that.”
As we hold each other, I feel like I’ve cracked another level of her. She tries so hard not to be sensitive, to hold all this in, and really, I don’t know why. She is such a beautiful person, inside and out, and I feel so blessed to be the one to see every piece. I just want her to let go. To live the life she wants, and I really do feel she’s getting there.
I’m about to fall asleep holding her when she whispers, “Why do you even believe in it, Jayden?”
Opening my eyes, I nuzzle her cheek. “Believe in what?”
“Love. After all you’ve been through, how could you?”
Smiling, I think, because of you. And it’s what I want to say, but I know it isn’t the right time—which, again, could make me a doormat, but at this point I don’t care. She’s slowly but surely opening up to me, and that’s all I can ask for. I said I wanted her to try. She’s fucking trying, and soon she’ll be screaming that she loves me.
I just know it.
She’s my kind of perfect, and you don’t throw perfect away.
Kissing her cheek, I whisper, “Because I want to.”
“Why, though?”
“Because being loved by someone I love is my nirvana.”