He’s probably already out, making sure the party is going well. He’s so good at directing that kind of stuff. Then there is Jace and me, who are worthless at planning parties. I’m really excited for Jayden to see me and even more excited to get him to sneak away with me later. Things between us have been…great. Yeah, that’s a good word to describe us. It’s so easy now. When before I was fighting so hard to keep him away, now, I couldn’t fight with him if I wanted. That doesn’t mean we agree on everything and have that fluffy, happy relationship. No. We fight over stupid stuff. Just last week, he got mad that I watched an episode without him, and then yesterday I tore into him for not getting me Sonic on the way back from class. We’ve become like an old married couple, really. When we aren’t playing, we are studying or lying around together, and then we are nagging each other on the stupidest stuff.
It’s my kind of perfect, and I wouldn’t change anything about it. Except for the fact that I can’t seem to let myself fully fall. It’s insane. I mean, I feel it. I feel like he’s it, I know he probably is, but something inside me is holding me back. He just had an interview with the Devils, and all I could think was, while, yes, I want him to go, I know they won’t take me. So then I was calculating how far apart we’d be, and ugh, it gave me such a headache. While I am scared that we couldn’t survive being apart, I’m terrified of the thought of not being together in any form.
And then I’m pretty sure that he hasn’t fallen either. I mean, sometimes I see it in his eyes, like that complete admiration for me, and yeah, maybe love. But then if that was the case, why hasn’t he told me? He isn’t shy; he tells me what he is feeling at all times, but that isn’t something he’s shared. So then I think maybe he’s over there, thinking the same thing I am, that a long-distance relationship, especially when we are rookies, won’t work.
Hell, I don’t know. It’s all so hard and scary, but then I think that it would be harder if we weren’t together. He’s such a stable force in my life now. Someone I go to for almost anything and everything. I can’t imagine him not being there, but I know time is against us and soon he won’t be. We are gonna have to part, unless for some crazy freaking reason we go on the same team. But whether or not I’ll be picked to go into the NHL isn’t even a solid yes yet. So yeah, I have no clue and it’s killing me. I want to just have it all written out for me. I want to know what he is feeling, and I want to know for sure what in the hell I’m feeling.
I feel like I’m in limbo, but then I’m there with Jayden, and that’s okay.
Kinda.
The anxiety is still there. Hardcore. But I’m trudging on because every time I look at him, all I feel is summer. It was honestly one of the first times in forever that I actually let go and let someone in. I didn’t hold back, I didn’t calculate every move, I lived.
Yeah, it didn’t end well, but I’ll never forget that moment. The moment I looked into his dark green eyes and felt something. Something more than the norm.
He’s the best part of who I’ve become.
Which is corny as hell.
But I don’t care.
“Why are you smiling like that?” Markus asks me, getting my attention. “No reason to get all sentimental, Baylor. I know that deep down in your soul lies a real girl, but come on, I’m still a dude.”
“Jackass,” I mutter before tightening the top of my toga.
“That’s better. Come on, let’s go.” I roll my eyes, checking myself out one last time before following him out of my room. When we get upstairs, the party is in full swing and everyone is wearing a toga like they were told to. When they told me we were having a themed party the weekend of Thanksgiving, I thought they were insane since a lot of people go home for the holidays. And also, a toga party in November? What idiot would think that’s a good idea? But apparently, I’m the idiot because everyone is here and obviously having a blast.
When I reach the kitchen, Jace is pouring shots and points to me. “Come here.”
“No,” I moan as I shake my head. “I really want to remember my name tonight.”
He waves me off. “You will.”
“No, you lie. Every time y’all break out the Jäger, shit gets real,” I say, leaning against the counter and sipping my beer.
“Don’t be a pussy,” he says, and Markus holds a finger up.
“Technically, she can be because she has one,” he says, and Jace shrugs.
“Touché, my friend, but I do not care. Drink, Moore,” he demands, pushing the glass to me as he and Markus pick up theirs, but I shake my head.
“She said no, dweeb face,” Jayden says, coming to the counter and leaning against it beside me. Looking over at me, he winks as I check him out. He’s wearing a very elaborate toga with gold trim and even a little headdress. But the only things I notice are his hella great arms and even greater shoulders. Oh, and his abs. Yes, I do notice those. Oh and sweet baby Jesus, the crazy amount of tattoos on his chest and back. They are so elaborate—the “see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil” piece with a skull with hands covering its eyes, ears, and mouth covers his whole chest, and on his back is a huge octopus taking over a huge ship. It’s amazing. Ugh, he’s amazing.
“She can speak for herself,” Jace says.
“And she said no,” Jayden informs him with a stern look. “Don’t peer pressure her.”
“Whatever,” he says, doing his shot then mine. “You guys suck.”
Before either of us can say anything, they both run off with the bottle and glasses in hand. Looking over at Jayden, I grin.
“Aw, my knight in shining armor,” I tease, feigning as if I’m passing out.
He rolls his eyes. “Fine, drink with them, then.”
“No, thank you,” I say with all seriousness. “Really, you rock.”
Giving me a suggestive grin, his eyes travel down my body. “You look hot, babe.”