“I know, but I feel like it’s my fault, and I’m just freaking out,” I admit.
He pulls back to look down at me through concerned eyes. “Why?”
When my lip starts to wobble, I look at the vein in his neck and let out a breath. “All my interviews have been good, they have, I haven’t been lying about that. It’s just I feel like they are too scared to take a chance on me. Then my dad is saying my game is been off and that I’m distracted, that I’m not going to make it and all this other shit, and I wonder if he’s right. Is me being a better person, you know, like being with you and having friends and being happy… Is it making me a bad hockey player?”
I chance a glance at him, and he looks perplexed. “Truth, right?”
“Yeah.”
“Okay, the draft thing, it’s going to be hit or miss. Do I think you’ll make it? Yes. You’re the only girl in the history of ever that could. Do I think your game is shit lately? No, I don’t. I think you still have the same determination, but Bay, you’re not believing in yourself. Ever since you got hurt, you’ve been cautious. And I know you don’t want to get hurt again, but you’re not playing like it’s your last game, on the fly, and I think that’s what your dad is seeing.”
“Okay,” I say, sitting up and looking back down at him. “I get what you mean.”
Running his hand up my leg, he smiles. “You are the shit, Bay. You can do anything you set your mind to. Believe in yourself.”
He’s right. I haven’t been believing in myself, and that has to change or I won’t achieve what I want.
“Now this could be me being selfish, but I like this Baylor. She is more relaxed, happy, and knows what she wants. The Baylor from the beach, the nondrunk one, was still calculating life. You don’t do that as much and I think you’re happier, and I also think you’re letting fear get in the way. Of a lot of things, actually, but we’ll stay on the hockey subject,” he says with a wink, and I grin.
“Thanks, guy,” I smirk back as I nod. “But you’re right. I have been cautious. It’s just I don’t want to worry my dad and you, so I’m trying to be good but also watch my surroundings.”
“True, but today, you weren’t worried, you were playing and we had you.”
“Yeah, but Jace got hurt,” I throw back. “I can’t expect people to keep dropping like flies for me.”
“You’re right, so be smart. Go out there and play, but don’t taunt people. Don’t give them a reason to hate you.”
“So don’t be good?” I deadpan, and he laughs.
“Okay, yeah, that made no sense, eh?”
“None,” I say with a chuckle. “At all.”
He smiles. “Fine. Go out there be great, but also keep your eyes open. You can take a hit, Baylor, and you can mow through anyone you want. So do you. Stop overthinking it.”
“Do me,” I say, repeating him, and I nod. “I can do that.”
“Then you’re golden, baby,” he says, pulling me to him. Going willingly, I wrap my arms around him and kiss his nose.
“After we run, Dad is making me do laps and a few drills tomorrow morning.” He grimaces for me and I laugh. “Right?”
“That blows. Maybe I’ll come out after my anatomy test,” he suggests. “I’ll tell your dad I need to blow off some steam. He’ll get it.”
“Sure, I’d like that.”
“Good, I’ll try to get done quick.”
“No, take your time,” I say with a shake of my head. “Don’t go being distracted and rushing because of me.”
Grinning very menacing-like, he nibbles at the corner of my mouth. “I’m always distracted by you.”
I know I say I’m not, but I, too, am very distracted by Jayden Sinclair.
And I wouldn’t have it any other way.
But it won’t ruin my game because I’m going into the draft.
With my man.