I want this gorgeous man in front of me, and all I can think of is what if I’m not good enough. As if he can sense that my body tensed under his touch, he pulls back. Oh no, I can feel my eyes beginning to fill up.
“Baby, what’s wrong? Did I hurt you?” Kyler asks as he runs his thumb along my damp cheek, wiping away the runaway tears. I shake my head. He must think I’m seriously pathetic.
“I…well…I’ve…” I try to speak.
Brushing the hair out of my face, Kyler asks, “You what?”
Mustering the strength from the proximity of our bodies, one of his hands on my hip and the other now on the back of my neck, I whisper, “I’ve only ever been with one man.” He knows who without me having to say his name. “What if I’m no good at this?”
He takes my cheeks in his hands, briefly places a kiss on my lips, and pulls back just enough for me to see a smile on his face.
“Not possible.”
He is so close that I feel like I’m drunk on his scent, a mix of cologne, tequila, lust, and want. And that last part scares the shit out of me.
“We don’t have to do anything you’re not ready for or don’t want to do, but please, baby, don’t push me away. How about you come with me and we’ll put a movie on and you let me hold you all night?”
I lean into his touch and nod. “Yeah, I’d like that.”
We walk down the hall toward our rooms. I stop in front of my door, and Kyler stands behind me. He places his hands on my shoulders and kisses the base of my neck, resulting in an embarrassing moan on my end. I can feel his smile without turning around.
“You go get changed and do whatever you need, and then meet me in my room. I’ll get the movie ready. I believe it’s your turn to pick.”
I shake my head. “No, you pick it tonight.”
Kyler raises an eyebrow at me., “Are you saying you like my taste in movies, Miss Jacobs?”
I laugh as I enter my room. “Nope, not saying that at all, Mr. Lawson.”
With that I close my door. I need to take a few deep breaths and compose myself. No need to freak out—he already said I was in control, that we would only do what I wanted—but honestly, what is it I want? He is the first man I allowed to touch me intimately since Emmett. Hell, to even touch me in general besides a few hugs from my father, Zach, Mr. Brian, or people at the funeral as they gave me their condolences. I spent the better part of four years doing my own thing, little contact with anyone really.
Funeral. Emmett. Fuck, what am I doing? I can do this, right? I look over at the photo of Emmett on my nightstand.
Please don’t be mad at me.
We’re just going to watch a movie, that’s all…and maybe I’ll let him kiss me again. I can feel myself blushing at the thought of what happened moments ago as we walked into the house. Those thoughts have my head spinning. I couldn’t stop thinking about our first kiss in the kitchen—how the fuck am I supposed to forget tonight? Maybe I don’t want to…
I shake that thought from my head for now, throwing my hair in a messy bun and changing into a pair of purple cotton shorts and a black tank top. I make a pit stop in the bathroom to wash my face and brush my teeth. I’m not concerned about Kyler seeing me without makeup like I’m sure most girls would be. If he’s seen me crying my eyes out, barely breathing and in full-blown panic attack and yet he still didn’t run in the opposite direction, I would say that means something. I stare at myself in the mirror for a moment and give myself one last “you can do it” pep talk. I’m sure I’m way overthinking this.
With confidence that I can do this, I exit the bathroom and head next door to Kyler’s room. His door is partially open, but out of habit I knock.
“Come in,” he says from the other side. I open the door and see Kyler sitting up in his bed, shirtless, a full-blown fucking Adonis in front of me. My eyes follow the hard lines of his chest.
“Holy shit,” I mutter softly, but judging by the smile that creeps on Ky’s face, I’m thinking I may not have said that as quietly as I thought.
“I was beginning to think you were gonna stand me up.”
I shake my head but still haven’t moved from his doorway.
“Are you just going to stand there gawking at me all night, or are you going to join me?”
I flip him off as I move toward the bed. He senses my hesitation. Ky throws back the covers and opens his arms for me. I see he is wearing teal gym shorts—phew, at least he’s not just in boxers. I climb into bed and into his arms as he adjusts the covers over us. I wrap my arms around his waist and inhale his manly scent. God, how does he still smell so good without showering? I snuggle into him, and he kisses my temple. As soon as his lips touch my skin, all my nerves fade away and I relax into him.
I take a breath to enjoy the moment before asking, “So which shitty movie are you going to make me suffer through this time?”
Grabbing the remote from the nightstand, he presses Play. As the title appears for Office Space, I groan. “Oh no! Are you fucking serious right now? This movie is awful.”
Leaning away from me, his face goes serious. “One”—he holds up one finger—“you said I could pick the movie tonight and two”—he holds up two fingers—“you better take those words back right now.”