It’s been five days of nothing from Lauren. While sadly this had become our norm, something feels off. We have never gone this long before. I can’t put my finger on it, but this is different. Courtney and Jax had invited me out to join them for drinks, but I
had turned them down to be home alone, wallowing in my own self-pity.
I swirl the golden liquid in my tumbler before downing the contents. I welcome the burn of the whiskey. I set the glass down next to my printed-out ticket to Philadelphia and the black velvet box I intend to give to Lauren upon my arrival.
I reach for my phone and begin scrolling through our texts, or shall I say my texts to Lauren. Never once did I see those three dots indicating that she was responding.
Lo: I miss you.
Me: Miss you too.
Me: Are you okay? I tried calling you four times.
Me: What’s going on?
Me: I’ve left you voicemail after voicemail, Lo, can you please call me?
Me: I know things have been crazy, but I love you.
Me: I need to know that you are okay. My sister talked to Kyler, and all he would say is yes, you’re alive.
Me: Why won’t you talk to me?
Me: Baby, please.
Me: Lauren, you’re starting to scare me.
With each unanswered text, I began to come unhinged. I need to talk to her, hear her voice, know that we’ll get past all of this, and we can get through whatever this is we’re going through. I mean, we’re Finn and Lo. She’s the other half of me. If it weren’t for Kelsey being friends with Kyler, I wouldn’t even know that she was alive. For all I know she could be lying in a ditch somewhere, and that was the reason for not answering. I begged Kelsey to ask Kyler to give me something. He told her it wasn’t his business to get involved but that she was at least alive.
Alive. Not okay. Not happy. But alive. That’s all I got.
I pull up her contact information and stare at her photo. Lauren is happy and smiling. What happened? What changed that? Why couldn’t I have just answered her calls? We’ve always been able to communicate. Talking to Lauren about problems always came easy—what made this so different?
I hit Send for what feels like the millionth time in two weeks. I know she won’t answer, but I’ll leave another voicemail. Nothing prepares me for what comes next.
“We’re sorry, you have reached a number that has been disconnected or no longer in service. If you feel you have reached this message in error, please check the number and try your call again.”
I try again six times, and each time the same message. I thought I had known pain walking away from her, waking up without her by my side, not hearing from her—but this? This is enough to rip the air from my body. I pick up the tumbler from the table and throw it against the wall, glass shattering everywhere, just like the pieces my heart.
Ten years later…
“All right, that’s our cue,” the wedding coordinator says as the soft sounds of Pachelbel’s “Canon in D” begin to echo in the vestibule of the church.
“See you out there, sis,” Zach, the best man, and my brother’s best friend, says to the bride as the doors open, and he begins to walk his daughter, Emme, who also happens to be the cutest flower girl ever, down the aisle. Our view of them is quickly cut off when the doors close one again.
“Ladies, line up, please. Lauren, Kate, and then Haylee,” the coordinator instructs. “Dani, you and your father will stay off to the side until it’s time.”
“Got it,” Dani says with a salute before turning back to a conversation with her dad.
I adjust my bouquet and take a deep breath.
Just before the doors open for me to begin my walk to the altar, my sister leans forward, her bouquet brushing against my back. “Don’t trip.”
“Gee, thanks,” I whisper.
“You looked nervous.” She laughs before swatting my butt with her free hand. “Go get ’em, tiger.”
The smile on my face as I begin my walk is a combination of happiness I feel for Kyler and Dani’s big day as well as wondering how it is that Kate and I shared a womb. Some of the things she says, I’m not sure where she comes up with them.