I Never Let You Go (I Never 3)

“Sure, water is great,” I respond, taking a seat on the couch. I fidget with my hands, thinking about the conversation we’re about to have. I can’t blame her, though, for wanting to know the details—it’s my own fault for never telling her about Finn. He was a huge part of my life, and I kept that from her as we opened up, getting to know each other.

Dani returns with two glasses of water, and I ask, “So, where is my brother? Working late? The gym with Zach?”

She looks down at her hands, and a strained expression appears on her face. I can tell right away she is hiding something since she went from her usual bubbly personality to being nervous. Did something happen?

“He’s umm…umm…out at dinner.”

“Without you? Wow! You two newlyweds already sick of each other?” That doesn’t sound like married life or Dani and Kyler.

She throws her head back in laughter. “Yeah, that is definitely not the case. It was kind of a last-minute thing.” Her smile fades. “He’s out with Finn.”

“Oh.” I take a sip of my water and wish that I had asked for something a little more substantial. “I didn’t realize that they were close like that.”

“They’re not, I mean, I guess they’re not. At the wedding, they promised to catch up, and Kyler had some meetings downtown today apparently near his office, so they had made plans meet up for drinks and dinner. He just texted me not long ago.”

“I see.” I know my response is lame, but I’m not sure what to say. I mean, I can’t be mad that they’re out catching up. Finn was a massive part of Ky’s life growing up. He looked up to Finn, especially after our dad left. Finn and Mr. Reynolds were good role models for Ky to have.

“I almost feel bad for him; he’s been running around trying to play catch-up with work, while I still have another few days before I return.” Dani changes the subject, although I know we will be circling back to Finn soon.

“We miss you, you know. Well, I miss you. Lunch has been boring.” I set my water on the table in front of me.

“What, no more love stories to write at lunch?” She jokes at how I wrote the story about her and Kyler’s relationship that Kate and I shared at their rehearsal dinner.

Dani fidgets on the couch, and I know the questions she has been dying to ask since that day are finally going to surface. I take a deep breath as she begins to talk.

“So how come you never told me about him?” Her question is honest and innocent. Why didn’t I ever tell her about him? Dani and I have grown closer over the years, but talking about Finn, well, I guess it just brings up too many feelings that I thought I had dealt with—that was, until he showed back up in my life. Now all of those feelings keep working their way to the surface.

“Well, not much to tell. We were young. We fell in love. It didn’t work out.” I shrug, trying to keep my face neutral, but when my eyes meet hers, I know I’ve failed.

“Yeah, I don’t know that I believe that fully, but sure, we’ll go with it. I saw the way he looked at you, Lauren. I don’t think he necessarily got the memo that it didn’t work out.” I shrug again. Trust me, he got the memo, and with simple one word “no,” that memo went viral. “Do you have dinner plans?” I shake my head. “Good.” She claps her hands together. “I don’t expect Ky home anytime soon, so let’s order some takeout and talk. Start from the beginning. I’m never here to judge. I’m just curious.”

I give Dani a weak smile. I know of all people, my sister-in-law understands the power of a broken heart the most. Dani lost her first love when she was only seventeen in a car accident. When she met Kyler, she was still broken, but he helped her open up and welcome the possibility of loving someone again. I tried dating over the years, but no one ever healed the wounds that Finn left behind.

“Sounds great.”

Dani hops up and places various takeout menus in front of me. I must say I’m a bit shocked since she loves cooking and being in the kitchen.

Thirty minutes later, an assortment of Chinese food is on the table, and I start from the very beginning.

“The summer just before ninth grade, a new nurse started at the hospital—the same shift and floor as Mom,” I begin to say.

“Finn’s mom?” Dani questions, and I nod.

“Mom and Denise hit it off, and at the end of summer, she invited us over for an end-of-summer barbecue. It turns out she had a son the same age as Kate and me, Finn, and a daughter Kyler’s age, Kelsey.”

Dani makes a face, and I can’t hold back my laugh. “Don’t worry; I was the only Lawson to fall for a Reynolds.” My smile fades. Dani reaches over and grabs my hand.

“It’s okay to not talk about it. I seriously won’t judge, especially after everything that I kept in over the years. It’s not always easy, but I can say that it is better to get it all out there. Who knows, you might feel better talking about it? I mean, I’ve been around four years, and you have never mentioned him once. That seems like a lot to hold in.” Dani gives me a soft smile.

I shake my head. “No, it’s fine, and you’re right. I can do this.” I put on a brave face and continue. “So we went over to the Reynoldses’ house.” Wow, that feels strange to say “we” meaning the five of us. This was at a time before my dad had left just about two years later.

“I was carrying a tray of brownies Mom had made when Finn walked down the stairs. He was tall, kind of lanky, but that smile—it made me a little weak in the knees, and I almost dropped the tray.” That smile still has the power to make me weak. “We spent the entire evening getting to know each other and joking. There was a gentle kindness about him. He was polite and funny.” I can’t hide my smile back when I think of a young Finn. “So you can imagine my excitement when I walked into freshman homeroom on the first day of school and saw him. The way the seats were arranged, he ended up right next to me. Over that year, he became my best friend, besides Kate, of course.”

Dani adjusts on the couch, digging back into her chicken lo mein. “So when did you guys go from the friend zone to…” She pauses. “You know.” She wiggles her eyebrows. I can picture the hundreds of times my brother has said and done the same thing.

“Wow, you and my brother really are perfect for each other.”

Her smile takes over her entire face. She is practically beaming.