I suppose that’s true. Expectations for women around sex have changed but are still different. A wind has picked up, so I cross my arms in front of me.
“I’m willing to take the chance,” I tell him. “I’m okay with the ‘hangover.’”
“You say that now because you don’t know how you will actually feel afterward.”
I let out a breath, feeling like a child talking to her parent. It’s true that I wasn’t sure I wanted to go through with it yesterday because I didn’t want to regret it later, but I want to be the one to make that decision, not have it made for me.
I rub my arms. He takes a last draw of his cigarette, then drops it into the sand before removing his coat and putting it around my shoulders. I reach up to pull the coat tighter about me and end up grazing his hand. His breath seems to stall. Mine does for sure.
I make up my mind then and there.
I want to do this.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
It takes me a few minutes to work up the guts to ask, “Why did you pick me if you didn’t want...if you didn’t want to do anything?”
He puts his hands in his pockets and gazes out at the ocean. I hang on to his silence, eager yet anxious for his reply.
He murmurs more to himself than me. “Je sais pais.”
I’ve heard those words before, like in a movie, but can’t remember what they mean. I bite down on my lower lip. If he sends me back, does that mean I don’t get paid?
“Let’s go inside,” he says, turning toward the house.
His coat is heavy, but it protects me from the cold breeze. I bend down and pick up his discarded cigarette butt.
“What are you doing?” he asks.
“Picking up the litter,” I reply.
He lets me go up the stairs first and follows me back into the house. Once inside, I thank him for the coat as I return it to him.
“Have lunch, then collect your things,” he instructs.
I walk into the kitchen to find Sierra, still in her satin robe, sitting at the island counter finishing off a sandwich. There are several other sandwiches and salads to choose from.
“What’s the matter with you?” she asks when I poke at a salad without taking a bite.
“Tony’s taking me back to the city,” I reply.
“Why’s that?”
“Guess he changed his mind about me.”
She sips her Arnold Palmer through a straw. “Too bad. Would have been cool to lose your virginity to someone like Tony Lee. And make twenty thousand for it.”
“I guess I blew it,” I sigh.
She concurs. “Sucks to be you.”
I give up on the salad and head upstairs to gather my things. Maybe if I hadn’t been so indecisive yesterday...but he hadn’t seemed inclined to want to do anything anyway.
With my duffel bag in hand, I descend the stairs and can hear voices from the foyer.
“Where you going?” Eric asks.
“I’m taking Virginia back to the city,” Tony replies.