“I’m sorry,” I say to Mrs. Ruiz. “Could you say that again?”
“Are you feeling better?” she repeats. “We’re very short staffed this week.”
“I am feeling a little better,” I say.
“Then are you coming in tomorrow? I really need you.”
I think about my job and how I’m letting Mrs. Ruiz down, the studying I’m supposed to be doing, the fact that I don’t want to spend more time under the same roof as Eric.
“Can I...can I call you back in a few hours?” I ask.
“Okay, but don’t forget.”
She knows I’m a responsible employee. Or at least I was before I decided to do this crazy thing of selling my virginity.
Turning around, I wave at Benjamin as his driver pulls away from the house.
“Your cousin seems really nice,” I say to Tony.
His pupils constrict momentarily before relaxing. “He’s not bad for family.”
I hesitate at the threshold of the front door to Eric’s temporary home. I didn’t want to tell Tony what happened with Eric for a number of reasons. I haven’t sorted things out for my own sake, and it doesn’t feel like something you confide in with a guy, let alone one you barely know. A guy might be more empathetic to Eric’s position and dismiss my reaction as overblown, like Sierra did.
Part of me wants to run and cry to Lila about it, but I don’t want to make her fret about me. So my roommate Talia would probably be the one I would talk to. She’d want to kick Eric’s balls, and I’m not sure that I’m up for battle mode. Maybe because part of me feels like I’m partly at fault. I was someone willing to sell my virginity to a stranger, so that must send a signal to Eric that I’m a certain type of girl. And even though I can reason to myself that it shouldn’t matter what sort of girl I present myself as, a man doesn’t have a right to grope me, I still feel oddly guilty.
My feelings don’t make sense to me, I don’t know how I’m supposed to feel about all this, and I’m just not ready to talk to anyone about it.
But I have to tell Tony something. I have to tell him why I don’t want to stay here. And then come up with what to do instead.
Don’t just complain, Pastor Johnson likes to say. Be part of the solution.
“What’s the matter?” Tony asks.
I realize he’s opened the door and I haven’t stepped through.
“I was thinking about work,” I reply. “I just got a call from Mrs. Ruiz.”
Tony seems to ponder something when Eric shows up. My spine straightens, and my pulse quickens. I stand closer to Tony.
But Eric doesn’t even seem to see me and addresses Tony, “I just found out Stephen Antonis is in town. His family was there on the ground floor of Mykonos and Cofu. He’s up for having drinks with us, but we’d have to leave in like twenty minutes.”
Tony glances at me.
“We should leave the women here,” Eric says. “They’d be an unnecessary distraction.”
“Are you okay?” Tony asks me.
“Definitely,” I reply, glad that Eric will be gone soon. “Go. I’m going to catch up on studying.”
Instead of studying, however, I turn over the day's events in my mind over and over again, replaying what had happened in the kitchen and at the restaurant as if I could change what happened just by thinking about it. I'm upset with myself for letting it get to me. I want to be with Tony, but can I endure a week under Eric's roof? Can I take being in his company for a few minutes, let alone several days? Though I have the feeling he would protect me against Eric, I can't expect to be at Tony's side the whole time. Maybe I can see if Tony is willing to stay in a hotel instead. I feel bad asking him to do that, and maybe he'll decline, in which case I have to decide whether to put up with Eric or forgo my chance of earning twenty thousand dollars. Maybe I just need to stand up to Eric. Just like his dad, he probably gets away with all kinds of crap. Someone has to stand up to him. Maybe I can get a shred of my dignity back that way.
I told Mrs. Ruiz that I would call her back in a few hours. I'll tell her I need another day of rest. I feel bad about that, too. But twenty thousand dollars is worth the misery and the guilt.
Actually, that's kind of a selfish way of thinking about it. Mrs. Ruiz doesn't gain anything out of this. She'll probably have to rely on Rosa or Mrs. Park to work overtime. That may or may not be a good thing for my coworkers.
Sierra wanders into my room again, and I try not to groan audibly. She smacks her chewing gum.
"You have fun hanging out with the Lee men?" she asks.