He shrugged. “Work. Grab a drink with Josh. It’s not a big deal. My parents made it a big deal, but after their death, it seemed pointless.”
“How did—” I stopped myself before I finished the question. A guy’s birthday was not the right time to bring up the method of his family’s death.
Alex answered anyway. “They were murdered.” After a beat of hesitation, he added, “My father’s business rival ordered the hit and made it look like a home invasion gone wrong. My parents hid me right before the intruders found us, but I saw…” His throat bobbed with a hard swallow. “I saw it happen. My mom, dad, and little sister, who didn’t hide in time.”
Horror suffused me at the thought of someone having to witness their own family’s murder. “I’m so sorry. That’s—I have no words.”
“It’s all right. At least they caught the bastards who pulled the trigger.”
“And the business rival?” I asked softly.
His eye twitched. “Karma will get him.”
My heart weighed heavy in my chest even before something more horrifying occurred to me. “Your HSAM—”
Alex flashed a humorless smile. “Is a real bitch. I relive that day every day. Sometimes I think about whether I could’ve saved them, even though I was just a kid. I used to rage at the unfairness of it all until I realized no one gives a shit. There’s no entity out there listening to me yell at them. There’s only life and luck, and sometimes both those things deal you a crap hand.”
Tears stung my eyes. I’d forgotten all about the dishes; my heart hurt too much.
I stepped closer to Alex, who watched me approach with a tense expression.
“Sometimes, but not all the time.” I heard the faint chatter of other guests in the living room, but they might as well be light-years away. Here, in the kitchen, Alex and I had entered our own little world. “There’s something beautiful waiting for you, Alex. Whether you find it tomorrow or years from now, I hope it’ll restore your faith in life. You deserve all the beauty and light in the world.”
I meant every word. Beneath the icy shell, he was human like everyone else, and his broken heart broke mine a hundredfold.
“There you go, romanticizing me again.” Alex didn’t move as I took another step toward him, but his eyes burned with intensity. “It’s too late for me, Sunshine. I destroy everything beautiful that comes into my life.”
“I don’t believe that,” I said. “And that wasn’t romanticizing you. This is.”
Before I could lose my nerve, I stood on tiptoes and kissed him.
It was a soft, chaste kiss, but the effect was the same as a full-on make out session. Sparks consumed my skin, and the heat in my stomach flared to life. I shuddered at the sensation, my pulse beating so wildly I couldn’t hear anything else. Alex’s lips were cool and firm, his taste like that of spice and red velvet, and I wanted to wrap myself around him and devour him until every bit of him was inside me.
Alex remained still, his chest rising and falling with harsh breaths beneath my tentative touch. I pressed a firmer hand against his chest and ran my tongue along the seam of his lips, seeking entry—
I gasped when Alex yanked me toward him and deepened the kiss. His hand fisted my hair and tugged, forcing my back to arch while his tongue plundered my mouth.
“Not the romance you were thinking of, is it?” he growled, his grip so tight my eyes watered. He’d spun me around so the edge of the counter dug into my flesh, and he used his other hand to hitch my leg up around his waist. His thick erection pressed against my core, and I ground against it shamelessly, desperate for the friction. “Tell me to stop, Sunshine.”
“No.” Tell him to stop? A herd of wild horses couldn’t drag me away.
I inched my hand beneath his shirt, eager to explore the expanse of smooth skin and hard muscles beneath my fingers. My entire body pulsated with need, and the possibility of someone walking in on us any moment further heightened my arousal. It was only a kiss, but it seemed so much more illicit. Dangerous.
Alex groaned. His mouth claimed mine again, and the kiss turned fierce. Wanting. Hungry. He was ruthless in his invasion of my senses, his touch so hot and possessive it branded itself into my skin, and I surrendered to him without a shred of resistance.
I was on the verge of unbuckling his belt when he pulled away so forcefully I stumbled forward, disoriented by the sudden loss of contact. My core throbbed, my nipples could cut diamonds, and my skin was so sensitive even the brush of air caused me to tremble. But when the fog of sensation dissipated, I realized Alex was glaring at me.
“Fuck.” He scrubbed a hand over his face, his scowl fierce enough to make grown men quake. “Fuck, fuck, fuck.”
“Alex—”
“No. What the hell were you thinking?” he bit out. “Did you think we would fuck in the kitchen while your friends are in the other room?”
Heat scorched my cheeks. “If this is about Josh—”
“It’s not about Josh.” Alex pinched the bridge of his nose and exhaled a slow, controlled breath. “Not entirely.”
“Then what is it?” He wanted me. I knew he did; I felt it, and I’m not just talking about the massive bulge straining his pants. Yes, Josh would attempt to murder us both if he found out what happened, but he couldn’t stay mad at us forever. Besides, he didn’t return to D.C. until Christmas. We had time.
“It’s me. And you. Together. It won’t work.” Alex’s glare intensified. “Whatever fantasies you have of us swirling in that pretty head of yours, kill them. That kiss was a one-time mistake. It’ll never happen again.”
I wanted to die of mortification. I wasn’t sure what would’ve been worse—Alex not kissing me back at all, or him kissing me back and saying those things. I wanted to argue, but I’d used up my boldness quota for tonight. It had taken a helluva lot for me to kiss him first, and a girl can throw herself at a guy only so many times before it becomes humiliating.
“Fine.” I picked up a random dish in the sink and scrubbed, unable to look him in the eyes. My face felt so hot I thought I’d explode. “I get it. Let’s pretend that never happened.”
“Good.” Alex didn’t sound as pleased as I’d expected.
We worked in silence save for the clank of the porcelain.
“I’m trying to save you, Ava,” he said out of nowhere, right as we finished all the dishes and I prepared to flee.
“From what?” I refused to look at him, but I could see him watching me out of the corner of my eye.
“From me.”
I didn’t respond, because how was I supposed to tell the man determined to save me that I didn’t want to be saved?