I puddled at the sight of it. Of the top three things I missed most, his dimple sat squarely at number two, after his kiss and before his playful insults.
But whereas my insides were a mess of emotions, my exterior remained frozen. I couldn’t summon a smile for the life of me.
Josh’s dimple disappeared, and he swallowed hard again.
Somehow, I got my legs to work. We walked to the hallway in silence, and Josh twisted the doorknobs until one opened. It revealed an empty office. No furniture, just a whiteboard and a blue carpet. It was so hushed I could hear every thump of my pulse.
I stepped inside and rubbed the sleeve of my silk blouse between my fingers, taking solace in the mindless, familiar motion. “What are you doing here? Don’t you have work?”
“I traded shifts so I could take today off.” Josh locked the door behind us and raked his gaze over my face. Warmth buzzed beneath my skin at his slow, thorough perusal. “I wanted to make sure you were okay.”
Delirium, exhaustion, or both pulled a rusty laugh from my throat. It sounded strange, like a car engine sputtering back to life after a week of non-use.
“I’m fine, but you didn’t take the day off and show up to my bar exam just to make sure I was okay.” A familiar ache crept into my chest. “You were the one who treated me yesterday. You know how I’m doing.”
“About that.” There was no hint of a smile on Josh’s face anymore. “I’m sorry if I came off…unconcerned.”
I shrugged as casually as I could. “You’re a doctor. You were professional and did your job. That’s all anyone could ask for.”
“I’m not just your doctor, Jules.”
The air suffocated my lungs. “You’re also my best friend’s brother.”
“More than that.” He took a tiny step toward me, and I took an instinctive step back.
I raised my chin, willing myself not to cry. I’d already shed too many tears over him. “Not anymore.”
No one takes my cock better than you do. It’s your best quality.
No matter how many times I replayed his words, they slashed deep every time.
That was the thing about someone who’d seen the best and worst of you—they knew exactly which buttons to push, which words would sting the hardest.
Josh’s jaw ticked, but instead of arguing, he switched the subject so suddenly it nearly gave me whiplash. “I found Max yesterday.”
“You what?” This encounter was growing more surreal by the minute.
“I found Max,” he repeated. “He won’t be bothering you anymore. Alex and I made sure of it.”
“What…how…” Nothing made sense. “You told Alex? What did you guys do? You didn’t kill him, did you?”
I was only half joking. I wouldn’t be devastated if Max died, but I also didn’t want Josh putting himself in jeopardy for me. Alex was a coin toss, but Josh? He wasn’t a killer, and if he did something in a fit of rage, it would haunt him for the rest of his life.
The prospect of him suffering like that was worse than any blackmail or hurtful words.
“No. But I wanted to.” A hard smile cut across Josh’s face. “Alex, of all people, talked me down. I won’t bore you with the details, but I promise, our point came across loud and clear. Max won’t contact you again.”
“Why would you do that?” Hope reared its treacherous head, and I shoved it back down. My hopes always led to disappointments. “You didn’t care when I came into the hospital yesterday.”
Josh’s eyes darkened from rich chocolate to endless, unnerving obsidian.
“I don’t care?” Another step toward me, another step back.
Our dance played to the rapid beats of my heart, and it didn’t end until my back pressed again the cool wall and Josh crowded me with his warmth. When he spoke again, the low, dangerous timbre of his voice sent shivers rippling down my spine.
“I walked into that room and almost lost my shit when I saw you were hurt, my job be damned. I wanted to kill Max for laying a hand on you. That’s not hyperbole, Jules. If you saw what he looked like after I was done with him…” His breath skated over my skin. “Luck saved him. But if he so much as breathes in your direction again, I will rip his entrails out and strangle him with them. So yes, Red, I fucking care. So much so it terrifies me.”
I was falling down another helpless spiral where his words were my only cushion and the air sang sweetly even as I plummeted toward potential death.
His quiet promise of violence should’ve frightened me; instead, it sizzled through my veins like an electric current.
“You hate me.” I was breathless and aching, wishing so hard for what he said to be true and utterly terrified it wasn’t.
“I’ve never hated you.”
“Liar.”
His soft laugh filled every molecule of air between us. “Okay, once upon a time, I hated you a little bit.” His smile faded, his eyes growing serious. “I don’t know what you did to me, Red. But somehow, I went from wanting to kill you…to willing to kill for you.”
My stomach tumbled further into free fall. A thousand golden bubbles filled me until I felt like a balloon being carried away by the wind.
I didn’t know what changed since last week, when Josh—
Remember when I said I forgive you? I lied.
The balloon popped with the swiftness of an assassin’s blade.