I gulped at his dark tone.
“Because if you are…” Josh took another step toward me. “It’s not going to work.”
The flutters went wild. “You have an awfully high opinion of yourself.”
A hard smile cut across his face. “I promised I’d give you all the time you needed, and I will. But I’m not going to sit back while you date other guys, Red.”
“I told you it wasn’t a date.”
“And I told you I don’t share. Not when it comes to you.” Josh’s eyes burned into mine. “I don’t give a fuck if he’s a multimillionaire and plastered on every magazine in the world. He could be the King of fucking England, but he’ll never give you what I’m willing to give you.”
The goosebumps multiplied. “What’s that?”
“Everything.” He’d closed the distance between us until our mouths were only centimeters apart. I stood my ground, but the electricity from earlier returned in full force and buzzed through my veins. There were a handful of other people on the sidewalk. They weren’t close enough to hear us, but it didn’t matter anyway. The rest of the world didn’t exist when Josh was near me. “My heart. My soul. My dignity. What do you want me to do, Jules?” His voice splintered into something jagged and painful. “Do you want me to fucking beg? Say the word, and I’ll be on my knees.”
Moisture gathered behind my eyes. I shook my head, my chest aching.
What are you so afraid of?
I didn’t deserve it.
I just had to get out of my own way.
Josh’s question from Bridget’s wedding echoed in my head. I didn’t have the answer then, but I had it now.
I was afraid of me.
Even when I started falling for Josh, part of me knew we wouldn’t work out as long as I was keeping a secret from him. But now that nothing stood in our way, I was terrified—of being hurt, of not being enough, and of actually being loved when I didn’t deserve it.
I wasn’t the little girl from Ohio anymore, but some things were so ingrained from childhood that they became a part of us without us even knowing. After a lifetime of being unwanted, I had no clue how to handle someone who wasn’t willing to walk away.
Maybe it was time I learned.
“Promise me we’re real,” I whispered.
I could drag this out, make triple sure he wouldn’t break my heart again. But I was so tired of resisting and sabotaging myself. After years of swimming against the current, it was time to sink into something I wanted for once, no matter where it took me.
And at the end of the day, no grand gesture matched that of making a promise…and keeping it.
Josh cupped my face with his hands. “I promise.” A tiny smile tipped his lips, and his eyes searched mine with cautious hope. “You’re stuck with me forever, I’m afraid.”
His words sank into my skin and filled every inch of me with their warmth.
Just let go, Jules.
After one last beat of hesitation, my lips parted in tentative invitation.
Relief exploded across Josh’s face before he took it, his mouth moving over mine in a deep, almost desperate kiss that made my toes curl. I melted against him, savoring the taste and feel of him again.
My chest loosened, and every nerve ending sparked with awareness.
Some kisses you felt in your bones. This one I felt in my soul.
“Twelve days, eight hours, and nine minutes. I spent every second thinking of you.” Josh’s lips brushed against mine as he spoke. “I thought I knew what I wanted before. Becoming a doctor, chasing the next high. Being the most popular, most liked person in the room. I thought those things would make me happy, and they did. Temporarily. But you…” He rested his forehead against mine. “You’re the only thing that could make me happy forever.”
I choked out a half laugh, half sob. “Careful, Chen. Keep saying things like that, and I might never let you go,” I said, mirroring his words from our first date.
That beautiful dimple of his appeared in all its glory. “I’m counting on it.” He curled his hand around the back of my neck and pressed another, softer kiss to my lips. “In case it’s not clear, I fucking love you, Jules Ambrose, even when you drive me crazy. Especially when you drive me crazy.”
“That’s because you’re a masochist.” I couldn’t contain my smile. “It’s okay. I love you anyway.”
It was my first time saying those words to a guy, but they didn’t feel strange. They felt like they’d always been there, just waiting for the right time and right person before they revealed themselves.
Josh’s hand stilled. “Say that again.”
“I love you,” I breathed, body thrumming, heart so full it could burst at any second.
A small grin blossomed on his face. “Damn right. I’m pretty fucking lovable, unless I’m being an ass…which I was for the week after you told me about the painting.” He glanced at the group of teenagers staring at us, and I realized we were starting to attract attention from passersby. “But maybe we should continue this somewhere more private.”
My apartment was only two blocks away. Stella wasn’t home, and we barely made it into my bedroom before Josh kissed me again and sank to his knees before me.
“Twelve days, twelve orgasms.” He pushed up my skirt, his breath warm against the sensitive skin of my thighs. “That seems fair, don’t you think?”
A small fire kindled in my lower belly. “What—”
My question died an ignoble death when he pushed my panties aside and ran his tongue over my clit.
Oh God.
I fisted Josh’s hair as he licked and sucked until my orgasm ricocheted through me. I didn’t get a chance to come down from my high before he delved in again, and soon, I was little more than a gasping, boneless mess. If it weren’t for his strong hands bracing my hips and holding me up, I would’ve already collapsed.
But despite the orgasms rocking through me and the thick scent of sex in the air, what we were doing didn’t feel like sex.
It felt like love.