I loosenedthe knot on my tie as I entered my house. My earlier self-loathing flamed hotter in my chest.
I’d made a career out of not losing my cool, but I’d lost my cool when Stella attempted to return the watch.
That’s all we are. Nothing more, nothing less.
Why are you doing anyof this?
Because I’ve never wanted someone more, and I’ve never hated myself more for it. That’s fucking why.
The echoes from our conversation swathed the air.
I’d intended to go straight to my room, but I stopped when I caught sight of curly dark hair peeking out from the top of the couch and the scent of Stella’s favorite lavender-scented candle. It flickered on the coffee table, next to long, bare legs and a scatter of drawing pencils.
I dragged my gaze over the expanse of smooth skin and cotton shorts until I met a pair of wary green eyes.
“You’re still up.” Alcohol and desire roughened my observation.
Stella was usually in bed by now, or at least in her room. I didn’t believe for a second that she went to sleep that early.
Why had she been avoiding me? It couldn’t possibly be because I’d refused to tell her about Magda and Vivian. That conversation had been trivial at best.
“I couldn’t sleep, so I thought I’d get some drawing done.” She returned her gaze to her sketchpad. “Where were you?”
Despite her casual tone, visible tension lined her shoulders.
Some of the ice finally melted. The trickles of warmth sluiced through my veins and pulled a dark smile out of me.
“Why do you ask?”
“You were gone for hours. Curiosity is natural.”
She was good at bluffing; I was better at detecting bullshit.
I crossed the room until I stood behind her. Our reflections gleamed back at us in the window, so sharp I could trace every detail of her face—the long, thick sweep of her lashes, the slight tilt of her catlike green eyes, the delicateness of her chin and the elegant curve of her cheekbones.
“I went out for drinks.” My casual drawl didn’t match the beat of my pulse.
I wanted to wrap her hair in my hand and tug her head back until those eyes were on mine. To mark that perfect skin with my teeth and claim her mouth in a kiss so fucking deep it would erase the notion that we were just housemates.
My hands flexed before I forced them loose. Not yet.
I’d waited too long to waste all my hard work on one impetuous moment.
If Stella sensed the danger gathering behind her, she didn’t show it beyond a further tightening of her shoulders. Her pencil flew over the page, sketching and shading in the details of a floor-length gown without pause.
“Yes. I can smell the alcohol.” Tightness hampered her casual response. “Scotch…and perfume?”
“Jealous?” Silk wrapped around my soft, mocking tone.
“I have no reason to be.” She continued sketching, but the strokes were faster, angrier. “We’re just roommates.”
“That’s not an answer.” I tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear. My voice turned coaxing while her pencil slowed. “Ask me what you really want to know, Stella.”
Her lashes dipped before they swept up and her eyes met mine in the window.
Stella could don a cold facade all she wanted, but she had a soft heart, and she wore that heart on her sleeve.
I could pick out the dozen different emotions swirling beneath those jade-colored depths—anger, frustration, desire, and something darker, more unknown.
“Who were you with?” Indifference clung to her words, but it was tattered enough for me to spot the underlying vulnerability.
She cared, and that hint of emotion slayed me more than any strike of a sword could.
“Three women.”
I pressed my hand against her shoulder, forcing her to still when she jerked at my response.
“They were at the same bar as me,” I said. “I could’ve fucked any of them. Made them do every filthy, debauched thing I could think of. Their mouth on my cock, my hands in their hair…”
Stella’s lips pressed together. Pride lit a defiant spark in her eyes, but rawness stretched her features taut, and I detected a small tremble beneath my touch.
“Yet I didn’t touch them. I didn’t want to. Not one tiny fucking bit.” I lowered my head, my chest on fire from how close she was. Every breath brought her deeper into my orbit, but I would’ve traded all of them if it meant I could have her, all of her, for just one moment. “Perhaps I should’ve. Perhaps then, you’d understand how I feel.”
My breath grazed her cheek as I slid my palm over the curve of her shoulder and down her arm. “I’m not a jealous man, Stella. I have never envied someone for what they have or who they’re with, and yet…” My fingers glided down to her wrist. “I’m jealous of every person you smile at…” A brush over her fingers. “Every laugh I don’t hear…” My touch dipped to her knee and made a slow, languorous journey up her thigh. “Every breeze that touches your skin and every sound that pours through your lips. It. Is. Maddening.”