"You pulled her out of that closet just to put her in a box, and she's been suffocating in it for years!" Milan says, throwing her hands up in the air. "She's been miserable for a long time, but she never said anything because she didn't want to hurt your feelings. Have you never wondered why she goes nowhere? Has no friends other than me?"
"She has friends."
"Name one."
I try to think of one…and can't. How did I never realize before that she doesn't have friends? Hell. How did I miss that she was miserable for so long? Have I really been that blind?
"I didn't know," I mutter, raking a hand through my hair.
Milan doesn't gloat. Her expression softens, something like sympathy floating through her eyes. "Everyone else was afraid to get close to her," she says.
Guilt claws through me. "Because of my reputation."
"Mostly because of the three men with guns who followed her every moment of the day," Milan says, though she isn't judging me. She's just stating the facts. "But yeah, I guess your reputation was part of it for some of them. You put a lot of people out of business over the years, including the parents of girls we went to school with. They froze her out because of it."
"I didn't know," I mutter again. It's not a defense.
"She didn't want you to know," Milan says with a shrug. "She loves you. She didn't want to hurt your feelings or make you feel worse than you already did. Her entire life, you've seen her as the traumatized little girl you promised to protect. But that little girl grew up." Milan frowns. "You were just too busy to notice it."
"I noticed."
"Did you?"
I think we're talking about more than just Ainsley here. We're talking about her too.
"You think I was too busy to notice you grew up, Milan?"
"I didn't say that." Her gaze slides away from me. She didn't say it, but she can't deny it either.
"Good, because you're wrong. I noticed."
She snorts like she doesn't believe me.
"I'm not John Cooper, baby girl," I murmur, speaking quietly. "I noticed when you grew up. I've thought about nothing else for most of the last year. Every fucking time I was anywhere near you, I wanted to pull you into my arms and kiss you, pull you onto my lap and hold you."
"But you didn't," she says, her voice so soft I barely hear it. "You ran."
"I knew what people would say if I claimed you," I say.
She flinches like I struck her. "I guess your reputation can handle being called a gangster, but a man in love is where you draw the line, right?" she says. The sarcasm in her voice doesn't hide the hurt. She turns her face away from me, staring out the window as trees pass in blurs.
Shit.
"That's not–"
"You say you aren't like my dad, but you're two peas in a pod when it comes to me," she says, curling up in the seat across from me in a little ball. She looks so fucking small and sad. "Loving me is somehow wrong to both of you."
"Milan, baby…"
"Go to hell, Justice."
She shuts her eyes, shutting me out.
"Loving you could never be wrong," I murmur anyway, refusing to let her think for a second longer that I'm ashamed of her or that I'm anything like her father. That's not what I meant. I don't care what people say about me. I never have and I never will. I care what they say about her though. A whole hell of a lot. "But you deserve better than me, Milan."
"Then I guess it's a good thing I don't want you, isn't it?" she mutters, rolling over to face away from me.
Even though we both know she's lying, her words sting. And it's entirely my fault. I'm the one who let her think I didn't care. Why should she believe me now when I've spent the last year trying to avoid being in the same room with her? I thought I was saving her from me. I thought I was doing the right thing with Ainsley too.
I was wrong on both counts. I hurt them both. Badly, by the sounds of it. I should have claimed Milan the minute she turned eighteen and damn the consequences. She needed me to fight for her. Ainsley needed me to let her live her life. Instead, I fucked up with both of them.
Is it too late to fix it?
No. Hell no. I refuse to believe it is. Somehow, I'm going to fix it. I have to fix it.
I already lost my brother. I'll be damned if I lose Milan and my niece too.