Chapter 31
Jaxon
Mytruckwasn’tfully turned off before I had exited the vehicle and ran toward the main entrance to the emergency room. I know it may have been an asshole move, but I didn’t even look back to make sure Kate had kept up with me. My sole focus was on my son—I should have been there. I shouldn’t have been out. If I had been there, this wouldn’t have happened.
I race through the doors and straight up to the desk. “My son, where is he?” I demand. The nurse sitting at the desk jumps back, startled at my tone.
“Sir, how can I help you?”
“My son. Where is he? His godfather brought him in, and I need to see him.” I slam my fist on the desk, and she flinches.
“Sir, I really need you to calm down. Otherwise, I’m going to need you to leave.”
I run my palms over my face and grunt before gripping the edge of the counter. Kate’s hand covers mine, her thumb rubbing back and forth, trying to soothe me. While yes, it is comforting, it’s getting us nowhere. I need to see Andy.
I jerk my hand out of hers, not wanting to get distracted. Out of the corner of my eye, I see a security guard approaching the counter to investigate the commotion.
I take a few calming breaths to avoid being hauled away in handcuffs. “Ma’am, my son was brought in earlier. I need to know that he’s okay. His name is Andrew McAdams.” I plead, my voice on the edge of breaking.
“Okay, sir. Give me just a moment to find something out for you.” She focuses her attention on her computer screen, and I rapidly tap my fingers on the counter.
“Jax,” someone calls out from my right. I turn to see my best friend running toward me.
“Finn, what’s going on? Where’s Andy? Is he okay?” I brace myself, gripping onto his shoulders. My chest is tightening. I’ve already lost his mother. I can’t lose him, too. He’s all I have.
“He’s okay. We were outside playing after dinner, and he fell. He broke his arm, but Jax, he’s fine.”
I should have been there.
“Where is he? I need to see him.” I try to steady my nerves.
Finn’s attention turns next to me, and he gives a weak smile. “Come on, he’s back here. Lauren is sitting with him.” The double doors swing open, and I race back there, not even caring that Finn and Kate are behind me. I look around as I race to the next desk.
“Andrew McAdams,” I shout to the nurse.
She points to the corner room with the curtain pulled. I don’t bother announcing myself before entering. I pull the curtain back to find Lauren lying on the bed with Andy in her arms. Her eyes open and meet mine. Those eyes are so similar to the ones I stared into tonight when I wasn’t there for my son.
There’s a moment just before a tsunami hits that the waterline recedes from the shore as the wave gathers. When it finally has enough momentum, it crashes along the shore, uncaring of the destruction it causes in its wake. That’s what my guilt feels like.
She leans down and says softly, “Hey, look who’s here.”
Andy stirs, only slightly opening his eyes. “Daddy?” His voice is so quiet.
“Hey, buddy, I’m here.”
I walk over to the bed and take Lauren’s place. She squeezes my arm as she gets out of the way. I maneuver myself onto the bed—these things are definitely not made for men my size.
I gently gather Andy into my arms, avoiding his arm that is currently wrapped in an Ace bandage. I kiss the top of his head and feel the tear slide down my cheek. I can’t believe I wasn’t there for him. I have never not been there for him.
There are soft voices floating through the room. While I can’t tell what they’re saying, I recognize the voices to be Kate, Lauren, and Finn. Eventually they step outside, leaving Andy and I alone. I lie there with my eyes closed, feeling the evening out of Andy’s breathing and syncing it with my own. The chaotic noise of a bustling emergency room reminds me I’m lying in a hospital bed with my son instead of in my bed at home.
I press a kiss to the top of his head and quietly get up. Once on my feet, I stretch from side to side. Those beds really are shit. I hope we’re not here much longer, wanting to get him home. Andy looks so small and frail in this bed. My shoulders slump in defeat.
I slip past the curtain and squint while my eyes adjust to the bright lights. The lights were softer and dimmer in Andy’s room to allow him to rest. Arms wrap around my waist, and I stiffen.
“How is he? Is he okay? What did the doctor say?” I look down and meet Kate’s brown eyes. The redness and glassy glaze tell me she had been crying. I grip her wrists and pull them off me before taking a step back. Lauren and Finn have since joined us.
“The doctor hasn’t been in yet.” My voice is flat.
Kate takes a step closer, concern laced on her features, and I take another step back.
“I think it’s best you go home.”
The concern turns to hurt. “What?” She takes a step closer to me, gripping onto my forearms. “I’m not leaving you. I’m staying right here till he can go home.”
“No.” I yank my arms from her grasp. “I want you to go. There’s nothing else you can do here.”
I glance at Finn for help. He nods. “Baby, here, take my keys. Why don’t you drive Kate back to the house? I’ll stay here with Jax and Andy.” He presses a kiss to his wife’s forehead before handing her his car keys.
Lauren’s shoulders sink. “Okay.” She places her hand on Kate’s shoulder. “Come on. I’ll drive.”
Kate holds my gaze as tears stream down her cheeks, but I’m the first to break it. I exhale, looking down at the floor, and put my hands in my pockets to keep from reaching for her. I can’t look at her anymore. Distracted by her once before, I let my own happiness distract me from my number one priority—my son. I won’t allow myself to do it again.
Lauren gives me a brief smile and wraps her arm around her sister’s shoulder before leading her down the hallway. Finn steps up beside me. “Come on, Jax. Let’s go back inside and wait for the doctor.”