“If you think this is easy on me to see you feeling this way, it’s not. It doesn’t matter who the other person is—Finn’s best friend or the damn king of England. I know him pushing you away hurt when all you wanted to do was be there for him and Andy. I know his words were a stark reminder of everything you’ve been through. But you also can’t hold that against him because he didn’t know.
“I know how bad you are hurting because I feel it right here.” She presses a hand over her heart. “Remember, it wasn’t long ago that you reminded me that when I love, I love with everything in my heart. You won’t show it, and I get why you always keep yourself so guarded, but I know you are the same way. You didn’t need to be there for that little boy. After the way Jax acted since you guys met, you could have left him to figure shit out on his own. You let them in that little black heart of yours—both of them. And it fucking terrifies you.”
“Of course it does. Look where it got me.”
“Do you think love is easy?” she snaps, and my eyes widen at the word—love. “Look at Finn and me. Shit, look at Dani and Kyler and Zach and Haylee. Look at what we’ve all been through, and we came out on the other side. Opening up to someone makes you vulnerable and realizing that you always risk losing them, and sometimes it’s fully out of your control—whether it’s a miscommunication, loss, or pure stubbornness.
“And don’t tell me you don’t love that man. And you know how I know it?”
I shake my head, afraid that if I open my mouth, I’ll admit she’s right. I don’t exactly know the moment I fell in love with Jaxon. Maybe it’s been festering for a while. But I knew that if I hadn’t loved him, I wouldn’t have wanted to tell him about me last night.
“Because if you didn’t love him, you wouldn’t feel this way. Think of all those dumbasses in the past. You never thought of opening up to them about this. The past few weeks, Finn and I have both watched our best friends turn into the best version of themselves. Plus, I think if love was easy, then Paloma Faith wouldn’t have that hit song.”
I groan, but a smile graces my lips. “You’re so stupid.”
“Hey, but one, it got you to smile, and two, you didn’t deny it.”
“I don’t need to.”
“Don’t you have that painting being shipped up north?” I nod. “I know you typically just ship them, but maybe it would be a good idea to—”
I interject. “I’m not running away.” She raises a brow, challenging my comment. Yeah, so I ran away last night, but that was different. I can’t run away and avoid this forever. I love my house too much to move out of my house, and I can’t exactly put out an ad for a new best friend for my brother-in-law.
“I know you’re not. But maybe it wouldn’t hurt to deliver it yourself. Give you a few days to just clear your head.”
“Yeah, maybe.”
Lauren wraps her arms around me and squeezes tightly. “I love you, Kate. You are stronger than you even realize.”
Lauren’s words replay in my mind as we sit in silence. But am I strong enough to live across the street from the man I love and the future I dreamed of but can never have? I guess only time will tell.