Chapter 39
Jaxon
Thewaitforher to arrive nearly killed me. Lauren had texted when they were leaving the airport to give me some idea of how much time Finn and I had to finish setting this all up.
When I hear Kate yelling for Lauren, I have to press my lips together to suppress my laughter. Her clipped tone is full of annoyance. Little does she know, her sister snuck out the back and left already with her husband.
My pulse races the closer she gets. When I hear her coming up the stairs, I worry I might pass out.
It’s now or never, but I’m hoping for forever.
She knocks the breath right out of me when she turns the corner and gasps. The only sound in the room is the clinking of her phone hitting the floor.
“Oh my God, Jaxon, what the fuck are you doing here?”
It may have been only a few days since I’ve seen her in person—staring at the photos of her on my phone don’t count—but God, she’s just as fucking beautiful as she was the first day I saw her.
“Jaxon?” she questions as she approaches hesitantly.
“Hey, baby.” Her body tenses at the nickname, but I don’t let that deter me.
“What are you doing here?” She bunches her brows, and I want to smooth the wrinkles away that have formed as she takes in the room. “Where’s my sister? Did I fall asleep in the car and this is all a dream?” She then looks to the ground and lowers her tone, clearly talking more aloud to herself than to me. “Or maybe the plane went down and I’m actually living in an episode of Lost. Yeah, that’s it.”
I take that time that she focuses on the ground to close the distance between us. When I place my hands on her arms, jolts of electricity bring life to my veins, instantly shocking my heart like a defibrillator would.
“Does this feel real?” My voice is soft but steady.
She nods.
“Does this feel real?” I cup her cheek with one hand, running my thumb back and forth over her supple skin, and she nods again, this time bringing her bottom lip between her teeth. I free it with my thumb.
I repeat the question one more time after closing the distance and breathing those four words against her lips.
“Yes,” she exhales as I press my lips to hers. Kissing Kate Lawson is like coming home. I would die a thousand deaths just to savor her lips one last time.
She sinks into my kiss, but I feel the moment her body tenses and she realizes what she’s doing. With her palms flat on my chest, she pushes me away.
Her stance goes defensive, crossing her arms over her body as if she were protecting herself from me. I hate I made her feel that way. “I’m still so mad at you.” She points her finger at me as if she hoped lasers would shoot out of them.
“I know. I had a sound plan in place, but as soon as I saw you, everything I had planned left my mind, and all I could think about was touching you and kissing you.” This woman consumes me, mind, body, and soul.
“Well, you haven’t earned the right to kiss me,” she adds.
“Fair enough. You said you wanted to talk, so here I am.” It killed me to not respond, but I knew as soon as I opened up to her, I’d never stop, and this was not the conversation to have via text messages. She needed to see how much I mean these words.
“Where is here exactly?” She finally takes the time to look around the room. Her eyes widen in shock, and that makes me smile harder as she takes in the rows and rows of cards Andy and I made today. There’s two hundred and twenty-five, to be exact. One for every day since I met her. My hand is still sore and cramped from writing, but I hope the end result is totally worth it.
She walks over and looks at the cards. I follow her but keep enough distance for her not to bolt.
“I love your dimples on your lower back,” she reads aloud and giggles, but I can tell she is confused. “I love how patient you are with Andy.” She flips open another card. “I’m sorry for not telling you the moment I saw you how beautiful that dress was and that I imagined ripping it right off you.” She glances over her shoulder and arches a brow, and I shrug.
Okay, so some of my cards, I’m grateful my son didn’t know how to read or ask what they said.
“What are these?” She circles her finger toward the rows and rows of handmade cards inspired by Andy’s thank-you card.
“Well, there are two hundred and twenty-five. One hundred and twelve things I love about you and one hundred and thirteen apologies. I’m sure there should have been a lot more moments I should apologize for, but I figured this was a start.”
Kate’s jaw drops, and I think for the first time since meeting, she is speechless. I should mark this down in history as the day Kate Lawson doesn’t have anything to say.
“I never should have let you walk away from me, and when I did, I should have run after you. I shouldn’t have waited to tell you all of this.”
“Tell me what?” I watch her throat bob as she swallows.
“If you would stop interrupting me, I could finish.” I pretend to be annoyed, but I know on one of the hanging cards reads one that says, “I love how you have so much to say that you always have to interrupt me before your brain forgets the thought.”
“Kate, a long time ago, I fell in love, and I fell hard. Life was perfect—until it wasn’t. One moment, we were laughing and waiting impatiently on the arrival of our son, and the next, I was a new father, holding my newborn as I watched my wife’s body being lowered into the ground. What was supposed to be the best day of my life turned into the worst. I was alone to raise a son, and I know I had others, and I am forever thankful for the help from Finn and my in-laws, but in my mind, I was still alone. They could help me, but they had their own lives to live.
“I preferred it that way so I could give Andy the life that he deserved. I had to love him enough for two. There wasn’t time for distractions.”
I wince at my choice of words, remembering that was the word that hurt us to begin with.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have called you a distraction. There’s a card somewhere up there saying that. You were—no, you are far from it. When I lost Court, I closed that part of my heart to anyone, because how could I possibly have enough room in my heart for more than just Andy in it? That was until you. I was a dick to you at first, because from the first moment I saw you, I knew you were trouble.”
“My mom said the same thing,” she jokes. Jokes and laughter are good. It means all hope isn’t fully lost yet.
“I knew I was in trouble. And to be honest, the feelings that I felt in that moment scared the shit out of me. How could I feel something so powerful before I even knew you? It was easier to make you hate me than to take the chance to open up to love for a future with someone else.