“Oh man, be careful with her. She’ll have you falling head over heels in love with her if she’s anything like Elli,” Shea says, and the smile that covers his face could tell his whole love story with my aunt.
I think it was right after my dad died when Shea told me how he fell for Elli. He wanted something to cheer me up, and it all started when he shared with me the first time she met my dad. That Dad knew she was the one for Shea the moment he met her. When Shea reminisced about walking up to her at a team party, I felt like I was there. The way he described her hair, her face, and he still remembered the shoes she wore. To this day, Shea thinks he fell in love with her at that moment. I was some damaged kid who didn’t really want to hear it, but it stuck with me. I wanted a girl who made me remember the smallest of details about her.
While I know it’s only been a little over a month, I can vividly see the way Sofia pokes her tongue into her cheek when she’s deep in thought or doing a skill for gymnastics.
Jesus. She’s got me bad. Swallowing hard, I say, “Yeah, I hear that.”
“So, tell me about her?”
I can’t stop my smile as I take a breath and begin. “She’s absolutely incredible. Beautiful, I mean so damn beautiful. She has this laugh that you feel in your gut, and she is extremely talented. She has big goals, big dreams, and I just can’t get enough of her drive. Shit, I can’t get enough of her. She’s just amazing.”
He chuckles. “Well hell, she sounds like something.”
“She’s perfection,” I breathe, and he sends me a small grin.
“When can I meet her?”
“I’m gonna ask Elli if I can bring her to Thanksgiving.”
“She’ll say yes.”
“I know.”
Shea nods as he holds out his beer to me. “My boy is growing up before my eyes.”
“I’m trying,” I say, taking a long pull, and gone is the confidence Sofia brings me.
Just like that, I’m unsure of myself. I didn’t think this was going to be hard. I’d come in, we’d make a game plan, and I’d leave. But I’m freaking out that I didn’t have this taken care of. I wonder if I did fuck up. I guess I should have taken the EHL when I had the chance. Now, I might not get anything.
But then I hear Sofia in my head.
Losers stay down. Winners pick themselves up and find a way to win.
I’m a fucking winner.
I look up and find Shea watching me. He shrugs, a grin on his lips. “So, what’s up? What’s bothering you?”
I almost ask how he knew something was bothering me, but that would be pointless. This is Shea. He knows me like the back of his hand. He’s one of my biggest cheerleaders. He’s basically my best friend. I clear my throat and meet his gaze. “My buddy got a meeting with the IceCats.”
Shea nods slowly. “That’s great.”
“Yeah, except he’s a sophomore, and I’m a senior with no leads, no meetings, no nothing. My coach treats me like shit, like I’m a nuisance almost, and I’m feeling more than a little defeated lately.”
Shea holds my gaze but only for a second before he looks down. His shoulders are back, taut, and I brace for what he is about to say. “What do you mean?”
“Shea, I haven’t met with a scout or a team since May of last year when that scout said he wanted to see how I do this year.”
Shea raises his brow. “What’s Tommy saying?” he asks, speaking of my agent.
I shrug, unsure. “I called and left a message, but when I saw him at the beginning of the year, he told me he was working on it and he’d be in contact with me.”
He looks down at his beer. “I mean, I can lie to you, Ryan, but I won’t.”
“I know.”
“But, buddy, that doesn’t sound good.”
My heart falls into my gut. “That’s what I was worried about.”
“I thought you were meeting with teams, scouts—”
“I did meet with some scouts, but none of them stuck. I thought Coach and I were good, but lately, he just seems sort of done with me. I’m not exactly sure why. Ever since he didn’t pick me for captain, everything’s gone to shit.”
“You were up for it?”
“Yeah, our captain tested positive, and it was between me and my buddy who’s meeting with the IceCats. He got it.”
“What the hell? What’s going on with Coach Moore?”
“I don’t know, but I haven’t asked because I don’t think I want to hear the truth.”
He lifts his brows. “What do you mean?”
“That I’m not going to make it.” He presses his lips together, his eyes filling with apprehension, and I have to look away. “I’m going to do everything I can, but it seems like I’m stuck, not moving, and I messed up by not going into the EHL.”
Shea shakes his head, his stern voice filling the backyard. “You’re too good to waste away in the EHL, Ryan. Your plan of playing for the Bullies and finishing up school was solid. I believe in it, or I would have told you to go into the EHL. But I truly believe you’re made for the NHL, or at least the AHL to pay your dues.”
I couldn’t agree more. I believed in my plan too. “Maybe I focused too much on school?”
Shea shakes his head violently. “You’re smart as a whip, Ryan. You did right,” he stresses. “Because, at the end of the day, if this doesn’t work out or you get hurt, you have your education.”
My shoulders fall, and I feel crushed.
“Ryan, look at me.” I do as he asks, and his eyes plead with mine. “Buddy, I know you love hockey, and I’m going to do everything in my power to help you make those dreams a reality—”
“But I need to be realistic and know that I might not make it.”
Shea inhales sharply. “Well, yes. But also, I don’t think you chose this major lightly. Especially when you’ve always had your dad’s company to fall back on. You’re not dumb. You wanted a backup plan, and buddy, you have it. I know you love training.”
“Yeah, I do. But I want to be on the ice, not beside it.”
Shea leans on his knees, holding out his free hand to me. “And I get it. I miss playing every day, but I’m still in the sport. With a training career, you’ll be in the sport, and you’ll be a part of the team. I need you to realize that.”
I don’t, though. I don’t see it that way. I see it as a cop-out.
When he smacks my knee, I look up at him.
“I see it all over your face. You know not making it in won’t mean you’re a failure, right?”
A failure is exactly what I feel like, but to save face, I shrug. “Yeah, I guess.”
“No, Ryan. I promise you, none of us will think that.“