“They are.”
“We need to make time.”
“All the time,” I say, kissing her lips, and her face warms with a smile.
“I don’t know. This just feels good. I watch Amelia and how she is about Drew, constantly worrying about what he’s doing and if he’s still interested, but I don’t worry about that with you. I know you’re with me, I know you dig me, and I don’t feel like you hide anything from me. Ya know?”
Fuck. My heart jumps up in my throat as I stare into her gorgeous eyes. Today they’re more green than brown. Still hazel but lighter. But that doesn’t matter when I very well may be holding something back from her.
“Is it not like that for you?”
I shake my head quickly. “No, not at all, baby. I trust you completely.”
Relief floods her features. “Oh! Ha, you made me nervous. I thought I was being a good girlfriend.”
I capture her bottom lip between my teeth, my eyes burning into hers. Biting softly, I lick it before letting her lip go. “The best.”
She flashes me a satisfied grin as she hooks her leg higher on my hip, looking scrumptious draped on me. “While I don’t have anyone to judge you against, I can judge you by the guys my teammates are with and then that come-dumpster—”
“Come-dumpster. That’s a good one.”
“I heard Amelia call the ref that at the last game.”
I chuckle. “Of course you did. She’s insane.”
“But yeah, that come-dumpster Drew. And I think you’re so much better. I basically hit the jackpot with my first boyfriend.”
My stomach drops. Her first boyfriend.
Her first everything.
That’s me.
And fuck, I want so badly to be the last, but that just isn’t fair to her. I probably shouldn’t even worry about keeping the whole NHL shit from her anyway. It won’t matter in the end. I chuckle lightly, though the lump of my heart in my throat is choking me, and I feel like I should say something. She asked about the future, and again, I shut it down, unable to even fathom not having her in my life. I’m sure we’ll talk and text, if by the grace of God I get in, but it won’t be this. It won’t be us.
When her eyes soften, she reaches up, taking my jaw in her hand. “Why do you look like that? What’s wrong?”
Shit. What’s wrong with my face? Well, no reason to lie. I clear my throat, nodding. “Yeah, um, I’m just a little worried about the NHL and shit.”
Way to be completely clear there, Justice.
Shit. I think I’m lying to her.
Fuck.
The vee between her eyes deepens as she scrutinizes me. “Why? Because Moon was a shoo-in? Ryan, you can’t base your success on his. A winner doesn’t watch his competition. He just wins.”
My face breaks into a grin. “Are you sure your major isn’t inspirational speaking instead of business?”
“No, shut up,” she laughs, smacking me. “Remember how I told you, when I was sucking or having an off day, my coach would put me on the beam, make me run my routines, and throw foam blocks at me? He would scream these quotes at me, and I swear I’ve heard them so many times I can recite them word for word.”
My face twists in disgust. “That sounds so healthy.”
“Yeah, he’s an asshole,” she says with a nervous laugh. “But he made me who I am. I’m strong, I’m driven, and I’m dedicated. Because of him, I know I can win, and Ryan, you can too. I know you can. You’ve got this. I promise you do.”
I swallow thickly, feeling every one of her words hitting my chest with force. “How do you do that?”
She narrows her eyes in confusion. “What do you mean?”
“Just be so confident?”
She gives me a soft smile. “Ryan, you’re confident. So confident.”
“Eh—”
“No, really,” she interjects. “When I see you on that ice, you are fucking hot. You skate with this swagger that most of the guys don’t have. You’re powerful, and I love watching your eyes move as you watch the puck.”
She makes my heart soar. “Really?”
“Yes, and then the way you walk toward me. Most of the guys around here walk with their hands in their pockets with their heads hanging low. You walk with your shoulders back, your eyes on me, and I can’t get enough of it.”
“It’s because of you.”
She smacks my bare chest. “No, it’s you. It’s your confidence, and it radiates out of you. Don’t ever feel like you don’t have it. I wouldn’t be so attracted to you, so into you, if I thought you didn’t.”
Man, I was lucky the moment I decided I was going to make her mine. She’s right, I do have confidence. But even with that confidence, it won’t get me what I want. I’ve been saying I was going into the NHL since before I graduated high school, but here I am, senior year with no contract or prospects. My confidence blinded me, and now… Now everything I could ever want might go to shit. Clearing my throat free of emotion, I say, “You should be a motivational speaker.”
She rolls her eyes. “Nope, the only motivating I’ll do is for you. And for the girls who will be in my gym one day.”
“I can’t wait for that day.”