Chapter Forty-Seven
Ryan
Ontario.Canada.
“Wow, okay.”
“Yeah,” Mick says excitedly. “It’s gonna be some long hours and hard days, but it’s a chance. It could lead to great things, and you can do your training thing on the side. I’m sure I can find you a good job, and you can play, ya know?”
Okay. Wow. All right. It isn’t ideal, but like he said, it’s a chance. “Yeah, for sure.”
“We said it would take some work, so here we are. Totally up to you, but as much as I hate to say it, I don’t think I can find anything better, which means you won’t be drafted.”
I nod slowly, and I wait for the panic.
I wait for the totally catastrophic feeling.
But it doesn’t come.
I clear my throat. “I hear you. Thank you for all you’ve done.”
“Absolutely, dude. I mean, we’re in this to win, right?”
“Right,” I say with a grin on my face, but I know it doesn’t reach my eyes. “Can I get back to you on it?”
He nods eagerly. “Yeah, man, sorry to interrupt your dinner. I couldn’t believe I saw you. I’m here on a date. She’s waiting.”
We all share a good laugh at that. Well, Mick and I do. Sofia is silent beside me. We shake hands, and he smiles at Sofia. “It was great meeting you.”
“You too,” she says softly, and he waves once more before heading back to his table.
I sit down, chewing on my lip as I reach for the menu. I feel her staring at me. I feel her anxiety rolling off her in waves, but I don’t know. I just don’t fucking know. This is what I wanted, a chance, but it doesn’t feel right.
“So, when he says Ontario, he means Canada, right?” Her voice sounds so small, almost like she is defeated. And fuck, it only confuses me more.
“Yeah,” I answer around the lump in my throat.
She moves beside me, Google open on her phone, but I’m staring a hole in the menu, not reading a thing. I was ready to make a decision. I was ready to take the training job, and now…now…fuck.
“Okay, so that’s a two-hour plane ride. I can do homework and stuff in the air. No big, and hey, it looks nice for summers.”
I close my eyes, shaking my head. “Don’t.”
“What?”
“Don’t. Just don’t.”
I hear her phone hit the table, and she reaches for the menu once more. “Okay, I’m sorry.”
“Don’t apologize,” I snap, looking at her troubled face. Her brow is furrowed, and her lips are pressed together. “I just need to think, and I need you to not act like this didn’t just throw a wrench in everything.”
She blinks, and then she nods abruptly. “Fine. Would you like to leave? Maybe some mindless sex will help,” she says sharply, her eyes in slits. “Or you can go, and I’ll get a cab.”
“Sofia, I get it. I’m being a dick, and I’m sorry, but—” My words trail off, and damn it, I don’t want any of that. I run my hand through my hair, drawing in a deep breath. “Excuse me.”
I get up. I know I should apologize. I’m being an indecisive jerk, but I just need to fucking breathe. I head out of the restaurant, ignoring the stares and even the fact that I know she is watching me. When I get outside, the brisk air hits me and knocks the wind out of me. I tuck my hands into my pockets, and I let my head fall back as the tears burn my eyes.
Fucking fuck.
I hate feeling like this. I hate not knowing what I want. But then, I do know. I want that girl sitting at the table by herself in her fuck-me-stupid blue dress and her hair down along her shoulders, all slick and sexy. She’s right, though; I can’t be blinded or distracted by my love for her. I have to love what I do, and I don’t know what that is. I love both of my options. When I only had the training job, it all seemed like an easy decision, but now I could get into the NHL.
It would be a while, but I could get there. I would get there. I know I would, but at what cost? It would take time, and that time would be without Sofia.
But she wouldn’t want to hear that.
Damn it.
Dad, what do I do? What would you do? God, I need you. I need you right now. Shit, I need you all the time. Who am I kidding? Damn it, why’d you leave me?
Tears burn my eyes as I stare up at the sky. I could call Shea, but I don’t want to because I know what he wants me to do, and I don’t know if that’s what I want. I could call my mom, and she’d baby me. It would be great for about five minutes, and then I would still be lost. Confused. Damn it. What I want is to go in there and just be with Sofia. I want her to ask me to stay, but I know she won’t.
When a pair of arms wraps around my waist, I look behind me to see Sofia looking up at me.
“Babe—”
“I love you,” she says against my back. “I do.”
My eyes fall shut, my heart pounding in my chest. As my voice breaks, I whisper, “I love you too.”
“And you’ve got this.” My breath leaves me in a whoosh, and she squeezes me tightly. “Let’s go.”
“What? We have this reservation—”
“We don’t need it,” she says, coming around my body and taking my hand. “Let’s go.”
I let her pull me to the truck, her eyes sad but a grin on her beautiful lips. “But—”
“But nothing. We don’t need this. We need each other.”