fourteen
Evan
Fitzgerald James Brooks is born right as I get to the hospital.
As if I’m not already freaking the hell out about what just happened with Callie, I get to hear my sister screaming bloody fucking murder as my new nephew ripped her from vagina to asshole. Because leaving out that detail wasn’t an option when Mom was rehashing how quickly Fitz came. I was terrified when Posey had Zac since she suffers with a thyroid thing, but I hadn’t been worried about Shelli. I was convinced everything would go well, but the way my older sister screamed? That sound, which I’m sure I’ll never forget, has every inch of me on high alert.
All these emotions are moving through me like mad. I can’t even enjoy holding Fitz because I’m on edge. As soon as I got here, I got a text from Jayden Sinclair, the coach of the Bullies’ hockey team, asking me for a meeting first thing in the morning. I tried calling the house to see if someone died, but no one is answering, so I’m freaking the fuck out. I want to be happy; I mean, hell, I’m holding this cute little fat pink baby, and he looks like Shelli. I know she is fine, and I’m thankful, so I should be happy. I even lost my virginity tonight—I’m a man, yay—but I can’t enjoy any of that. I’m freaking out.
These thoughts are all going wild in my head. What if Shelli had died? I know that’s totally irrational—I just saw her and she’s fine, but what if? What if Callie hates me because I left her behind to come support my sister and didn’t cuddle? She’d want to cuddle, right? Girls like that. Shit, all my parents do is cuddle and touch each other. And I want to do that with Callie, but I fear she hates me. I probably sucked. I really should have warned her I was a loser virgin. Shit, my nineteen-year-old brother has more experience than me. Then what the hell does Coach Jayden want? What did those damn boys do? Fucking hell, I’m losing it.
When a strong hand grips my shoulder, I look up to see my dad watching me. “You okay?”
I nod. “Overwhelmed.”
Dad grins. “He is a cute little thing. Reminds me of Owen.”
Owen was fat as hell. I was too, but he was super fat. Left me no room in the damn stroller. Asshole.
“Yeah. He’s perfect.”
“He is,” Dad agrees, but I feel his gaze on me. “You sure you’re okay? You seem off.”
I swallow hard. “Just a lot on my mind.”
“Okay,” he says, and when I meet his gaze, I regret it. My dad can see through me. “Call me if you need me, you hear me?”
I nod. “Thanks, Dad.”
I leave shortly after that since Shelli needs rest, and I need to get back to the house to make sure things are okay. I almost call Owen to tell him what happened with Callie, but I’m not ready to unleash that. I’m not ready for his opinion, nor am I ready to admit she probably thinks I’m a dud. I really want to see her, to make sure we’re good. I almost go to the gymnastics team’s house, but I don’t. My anxiety is through the roof, and I need to calm down.
Thankfully, when I get to the house, no one is there. I park on the back side and head through the rear door to find everyone cleaning. They all look at me and then back down at what they’re doing.
Fuck me.
I get the rundown from Benny. “Campus police were here. A girl said Burnette touched her against her will.”
Fucking hell. Jackson Burnette, a lanky freshman, looks at me, and I swear he’s about to cry. “Did you?”
He shakes his head, and I believe him. “Adler, I swear, she was all over me. We were making out, and I grabbed her butt, and she freaked. As soon as she said stop, I stopped, and then she ran out as I tried to apologize.”
McLandry nods. “I was dancing with her friend—they’re on the softball team—and she said the girl has a thing about her butt. But she was super drunk and freaked. My issue is, how was Jackson supposed to know?”
I pinch the bridge of my nose. “I guess it already got back to Coach, because I got a text to meet him in the morning.”
A collective number of “Fuck”s echo through our house. Dotson, one of our seniors, comes forward. “We shut everything down before the police got here. Burnette told them everything he told us, but the girl is still pressing charges.”
I close my eyes, cupping Burnette’s shoulder. “This is probably gonna be bad. You shouldn’t have grabbed—”
“Adler, really, she was rubbing herself on him. We all saw it, we have it on video, because she’s hot and Burnette is dorky as fuck,” Dotson says, reaching for his phone.
They try to show it to me, and I shake my head. “Okay. I don’t want to see it, but this needs to be a reminder to make sure you know who you are with. You can’t assume a situation is all right unless you both are of sound mind and know what is going on. You have to be careful, guys. Things get out of hand so easily, and we have to mind our p’s and q’s. You are the face of this team, and I refuse to have a stigma on our house that we’re dicks who harass girls.”
They all nod, looking defeated and scared. The team is so young, and honestly, they don’t know better. That’s my job. Fuck.
“No more parties, at least until next semester. We don’t need that reputation. Don’t contact her, or even talk about it, until everything goes through the dean and police.”
They all agree and go back to work like beaten dogs. All with their tails between their legs and worried about their teammate. I am too. Fuck, this is all too much.
I head upstairs, but I don’t sleep. I can’t. My mind is moving a million miles a second, and I’m researching like a crazy person to see what the penalty could be and how we can prove Burnette stopped as soon as she asked him to. Damn it, this is not what I needed to happen as the RA here. I fucked up. I wasn’t here doing my job, and now there will be consequences. Damn it. I was convinced I had such a good group of guys. I’m gone for one night, and bam, a wild party. The only good thing was Callie was here.
Man, my experience with her stays on repeat in my head. I try to read a paragraph, and then the taste of her skin hits me tenfold. It almost calms me down, but then it reminds me I may have fucked that all up. I know I don’t know her that well, but I feel good with her. I feel safe with her, if that makes sense. But if I did know her better, would I be picking apart everything that happened between us? Ugh. This is one of the reasons I didn’t have sex before. It’s complicated, and I didn’t think it through. I listened to my dick instead of my brain.
“Way to go, dick,” I mutter to my manhood as I shower to get ready for my meeting with Coach Jayden. The weird thing is, when I get out of the shower, I’m still clammy. It worries me a bit because I used to get like this before I had to hit the ice for a game. No matter how much I showered, I wouldn’t be able to get rid of that sticky feeling. I feel a bead of sweat along my brow, and that makes me even more nervous. I look at myself in the mirror, and I look stressed. Maybe I should cancel? I can’t, though. I’m already in hot water. I gather myself, practice my breathing exercises and even do some yoga stretches. I wish I had time to run; I know I’d feel better if I ran. Especially if I could run with Callie. I exhale hard and get dressed in my warm-ups for the gymnastics team since they have practice this afternoon.
I don’t know how that’s gonna go, seeing Callie without speaking to her on the phone as a buffer first, but it is what it is. If I’m honest, I have some concerns about it. I can’t deal with those right now, though. I’ve got worse things to face. Once I’m ready, I head out. I notice everyone is up, eating and preparing for practice. I check on Burnette, and he is still freaking out. Apparently his parents are going to drive up from Alabama, which is good for him.
I get in my car and head to the rink. My heart picks up in speed when I enter the parking lot. I don’t know why. I’m not playing. Why do I feel the way I did before I’d hit the ice toward the end of my career? What the fuck is going on? Before entering the arena, I send my therapist a message to see if she has any openings for today. I obviously need to get out all that I’m feeling. A good run and an hour with her will be the key. Maybe I can take Callie to dinner tonight. If she’ll even talk to me. It’s all so much, all of it. Between sex, the new baby, and my boys having parties that lead to sexual harassment charges, I’m hanging on by a thread.
Just as I walk in, my phone dings with a message saying she only has an opening tomorrow morning. Okay. It’s fine. Everything is fine. I’ve got this. I regulate my breathing as I head toward the coach’s office. You have to go through the rink to get to Jayden’s office, and I hate that now when I smell the ice, I feel physically sick. Like I could upchuck right this moment, and I wouldn’t be surprised. I swallow back the bile that wants to escape as I jog toward the office.
Jayden is waiting for me, and even I can’t deny that he looks healthier. Gone is all the pressure to come back to the NHL. Now, he’s a dad and a college hockey coach. In his teal shirt, he smiles at me as I enter. “I still remember when you threw your gloves down and tried to fight me.”