CHAPTER5
Martin Sanders sat by the glowing campfire staring deeply into the flames. The last few days he and Jakob had been working the cattle up in the high country. It was peaceful here and he liked they were away from the house, camping outside and experiencing the beautiful country they lived in, the land his family helped settle.
Here he felt free. Here he felt one with the earth. It seemed to be the only place he was at peace.
“The women are due in next week,” Jakob said. “We need to decide if we’re going to take a bride or not.”
Martin tossed a stick into the flames. He had no desire to marry or have a wife and raise children. In fact, he struggled to get from one day to the next. Why add anyone else to this picture?
He didn’t deserve love.
He would never leave Montana unlike his partner Jakob.
“You still thinking about leaving Montana?” Martin asked, knowing they were idiots for even considering a wife if Jakob planned on returning to South Carolina.
If Jakob left, he could not be responsible for a family.
Jakob sat across from him and shrugged. “I’m tired of sleeping with whores. I want a proper wife. Someone who is all sweet and innocent. Someone who will be the kind of wife I can be proud of. A lady, through and through.”
In Martin’s eyes, the man had an unrealistic vision of a wife. Sure, Martin wanted a woman who they would be proud to call wife, but he wasn’t certain any woman could be what Jakob expected.
And Martin knew he could not be trusted to keep her safe. Or any children they might have.
“If we don’t marry someone next spring, I’ll be leaving for South Carolina.”
Damn, the man was resorting to blackmail. If he didn’t get his way, he was going.
They were best friends, better than brothers, and Martin didn’t want him to leave. Call him selfish, but Jakob kept him sane. He’d been the one to convince him to stop working in the mine. To suggest they buy enough land and start a ranch. He’d been the one who talked him out of killing himself.
And now he was thinking of walking out of his life.
“If we marry a woman, what would happen if you decided to leave? Would I be the one she would stay with? Or would you take her back to South Carolina?”
There was silence. “Don’t know. I guess that would be up to her to decide.”
And Martin could not take care of her.
“Why are we even considering this if you’re talking of leaving? Maybe you should decide what you want before we marry a woman.”
In the darkness, Martin heard a coyote howl in the distance. The night sky was filled with stars, the moon a sliver.
“Because it’s the only reason for me to stay,” he said. “The ranch is doing well. You could continue it and just send me money. I need something more, Martin. I’m hoping a wife will fill this need. I feel restless. Someday I want children.”
What if a woman didn’t fill his need? Martin would be taking care of everything while Jakob ran off to get into trouble again in South Carolina.
“I understand you want to see your family. But we would be your new family,” Martin said, fearing that Jakob would leave him with a wife and kids. And he had to decide if that was what he wanted. “The reason women share a husband here in Treasure Falls is because so many men die in the mine. You want us to marry and then you just leave when you’re ready? That’s not fair to me or the woman.”
What if Martin died? Who would take care of their family then? What if he did the unthinkable? Somedays the guilt overcame him, and it was all he could do to face the day. Somedays even waking up seemed more than he could handle.
The fire popped, the sparks exploding in the air, sending a shower up into the darkness.
Sometimes Jakob could be selfish. And yet Martin knew that Jakob would take a bullet for him. Jakob would protect him. Jakob could make Martin see reason when the shame overcame him and he just wanted to end it all.
“If we marry and I’m happy, then I’ll stay. But she must be more like my mother and sisters. She has to be a proper young woman, not a whore. Besides, I thought you were feeling better.”
There were days when he would only remember that day once or twice during the daylight, but there were also days when the sounds of the walls collapsing closed in on him, the dust choking him, and he remembered running and screaming for everyone to get out. Get out now.
Only, so many didn’t make it out. And at night, his dreams were filled with the screams of the miners.
“I have my days. But I don’t want to bring a woman into our lives if you’re not going to be here. She shouldn’t be left with just me to take care of her.”
There was silence around the fire and he could see that Jakob was carefully considering his words.
“You need to get over this. Maybe a woman could help you see that it wasn’t your fault.”
If that was possible, he would have found a woman long ago, but it was his fault. He hadn’t done enough. He should have done more.
“I’m not getting married if I don’t think I can protect a woman again. I’m not getting married if I think you’re going to leave. Make your mind up on what you want to do. You can’t leave me with a woman and children to take care of.”
There was more silence.