Innocent in the Ivory Tower

‘I see.’ It was all she could think to say, although she didn’t see at all. But it was three o’clock in the morning and he was ripping her heart out and she hadn’t even seen it coming.

Although in retrospect the signs had all been there. Despite the travel, they had essentially been alone. She hadn’t minded a bit, because she’d had Alexei and Kostya, but it said volumes for where he saw her in his life. She remembered those photographs in the magazines, those women on his arm. That would never be her. He had never intended that to be her. She was like some sort of secret he kept.

Deep down she’d known this day was going to come. But it made no sense—not at three o’clock, not just hours after she’d fallen asleep in his arms, her body still bearing the traces of his lovemaking. He couldn’t be tired of her yet. He was just shucking off the effects of his nightmare. If she stayed very still and very small he might just go back to sleep and forget about it. But she wasn’t that girl any more. She had changed. She had grown up.

She watched a deep breath shudder through him, and he said almost hopelessly, ‘Are you happy with me, Maisy?’

‘Yes.’ I’ve never been so happy. I’ve never felt so right in my whole life.

‘You never go anywhere. You never see anyone.’ He propped himself up against the headboard.

‘I see you,’ she said. ‘I see Kostya.’

He was trying to persuade her to leave.

‘We can’t keep this up. It’s starting to get on my nerves.’ He looked down at her. ‘We need to be with other people, out in the world, or this is never going to be normal.’

What on earth was he talking about? Maisy wanted to shake him, but she sensed half of this was about his pain and the strange hour and the stillness. If she kept quiet he might just say something revealing, something that would let her in just a fraction.

But she couldn’t help murmuring, ‘You want to see other people?’

‘Maybe you need a job,’ he said instead. ‘You need a life of your own.’

It hurt. ‘I have a job. I look after Kostya. I have a life.’

‘For how long?’ He turned his head and she was shocked by the tension bracketed around his mouth and eyes. He looked older, tired.

‘I think that rather depends on you.’ There—she’d said it.

‘If I had my way we’d never leave this bed.’

But his expression didn’t soften and he was done talking. She knew there would be no revelations tonight. She knew she should push, but his words were pounding in her head: we can’t keep this up; we need to be with other people; you need a life of your own. And it all contained the same message: you’re not enough any more.

‘Can we go to sleep?’ She voiced the last thing she wanted to do.

He stretched across and the light went out. Maisy waited for him to reach for her, but he didn’t. He remained upright, sitting still and silent in the dark.

Rolling over, making herself as small and unobtrusive as possible, she stared into a bleak future without him and she too didn’t sleep.

‘There’s a boatload of people turning up at noon. I thought I’d put them on the yacht instead of dragging them through here, but there’s a small group who will be staying overnight. Do you think you can handle that?’

Alexei delivered this with the unconcern of a man who issued orders on a daily basis. It was just he had never issued an order to her, and Maisy didn’t quite know how to react.

He looked amazing this morning, in an olive-green polo shirt and tailored chinos, freshly shaven and no doubt smelling of tangy aftershave and male skin, but Maisy didn’t know because he hadn’t so much as bussed her cheek since their early-morning discussion.

Now he was springing this on her. People were coming? He hadn’t said a word.

‘I’m usually quite good with people,’ she ventured. They were eating breakfast in the dining room. Maisy never felt entirely comfortable, perched at the end of the long table. Alexei’s place was set beside hers, but he had managed to set his chair back and Maisy didn’t feel their usual morning connection, when he sat so close she could hook her foot around his ankle and rub up his calf. She wasn’t rubbing anything this morning.

‘I know. I’ve seen you in action. The staff love you.’ He sipped his espresso as if it held his attention. But Maisy wasn’t fooled. His highwire brain was on the job. ‘However, after today it’ll be official. People will want to know who you are.’ He turned his head slowly, fixed her with those blue eyes. ‘What do I tell them?’

I’m your girlfriend, Maisy wanted to scream at him. I love you. I’ve loved you for every minute of every hour of every day since I laid eyes on those handmade Italian shoes. You’re everything to me. You bring the day and you hang the moon, you stupid idiot.