I didn’t get why this was on cable news. After all, didn’t couples break up all the time? But as the story continued, I learned he was also under investigation by the district attorney for some sort of pyramid investment scheme.
Holy shit.
His wife, or ex, or whatever she should be called, was absolutely stunning, and for the few seconds she was on my TV screen, I couldn’t move. Avril. That was her name. She had glorious long hair and big, dark eyes. Kind of exotic looking, actually.
I put on my earpiece while I continued feeding Ruby, and dialed my friend, Blu.
“What?” he said, yawning. “Why the hell are you calling me so early, Chase? Don’t you know how important beauty sleep is to gay men?”
Eh. I didn’t feel so badly. First, it was seven a.m., so not obscenely early, and second, it wasn’t my fault Blu was a night owl.
“Blu, wake up. Seven a.m.’s not that early. Get your butt out of bed.” He was one of my best friends from college, and every aspect of his life was high drama since he’d come out of the closet. As if we hadn’t all known he was gay back then, anyway.
Over the phone, I heard something rustle. I knew what that meant.
“Chase,” he said, as a door clicked in the background. He continued in a low voice, “My date from last night is still over, and he’s looking very cute, snoring ever so lightly, so you’d better make this fast. My morning missile is ready to go.”
“Jesus, down boy. You act like you don’t get laid every day of your life.” I’d have to clean up my language before Ruby started talking, the nanny constantly reminded me. Otherwise, I’d have a little cutie with a big, filthy mouth. Just like her papa.
“It’s none of your business how often I get laid, although I could swear I hear some resentment coming out of that heterosexual mouth of yours. I’ve told you before, it’s easier to get dick than pussy. You could always come play for my team.” He snickered.
“Thanks, man. I appreciate the offer. It’s really tempting.”
He never gave up.
I suppressed a snicker. “Look, I’ll make it quick so you can get back to your stud. Aren’t you friends with the wife of Devon Crane?”
“You better fucking bet I am. Avril Crane is my best girl. If I wasn’t a fag, I’d be getting in her pants.”
“I’m sure she’d love to know that.”
“She does know! I tell her all the time. Anyway, what about her?” he asked.
“I just saw on the news that she and her husband are splitting.
” I no sooner had the words out and he screamed loudly enough to split my eardrum. I think the baby even heard it. Her eyes had popped wide open.
“NO FUCKING WAY. Oh my god oh my god oh my god. I gotta call her. I’ll talk to you later.” And he was gone. So much for his date.
I hadn’t told him Crane was also under investigation, but I figured he’d hear that soon enough for himself.
I moved on to another call. It wouldn’t be too early for the next guy. We were both early risers.
“Gio. How you doin’ man?” I asked when he’d picked up.
He was just as chipper as Blu had been groggy.
Ruby had finished her bottle and was smacking her lips, all milky and delicious. I hated to do it, but I handed her over to the nanny. She’d bring her by my office later, so I could give her another bottle and play with her while I was wheeling and dealing.
One of the many advantages of being one of the bosses at work was that if I wanted to spend time my baby, you’d better goddamn believe I would do just that.
“Buongiorno, brother,” Gio said. He’d been away from Italy for a long time but would never stop trying to teach me, and the rest of the guys, his beautiful language. He’d been working on us since college, and all these years later, I was able to say about five words, which was more than the others could, put together.
“I know you’re at the office already, but I was hoping you could switch gears for a sec. What sort of shape are we in for tonight?” I asked.
Papers rustled in the background, and I heard tapping on a keyboard.
“Let’s see. Here we go. We have about one hundred fifty guests for the party,” he reported.