CHAPTER ELEVEN
Saturday, 02.27 a.m.
ELSIEKEPTHEReyes tightly closed. She didn’t want this to end. She didn’t want him to lift off her. Her breathlessness wasn’t from this weight but the mind-blowing intensity of what she’d just experienced. But she shivered and he immediately moved and reached to pull a covering over them. Only he suddenly stopped.
‘Elsie?’ A soft query.
She really didn’t want to open her eyes.
‘Elsie.’ He sounded uncharacteristically uncertain. ‘You bled.’
She’d read that not every woman did the first time they had sex. She’d hoped that would be her, but it seemed luck wasn’t on her side this second. ‘Please let’s not make a big deal of it,’ she whispered.
‘So...’ He drew an audible breath. ‘Was that...?’ A sigh this time—one that merged with a muttered imprecation. ‘Elsie, was that your first time?’
She was mortified. This was a conversation she’d hoped to avoid. She’d hoped he wouldn’t have noticed. ‘Please don’t make it matter more than it does.’
Please don’t be angry with me. Please don’t ruin what has been so perfect.
‘Look at me.’ He put a hand on her shoulder, a firm one.
She opened her eyes and saw the burdens he carried—wariness and concern—back in his gaze.
‘How much does it matter?’ he asked, clearly confused. And determined to understand. ‘How much does it matter to you?’
Her heart thudded. ‘What matters,’ she replied softly, ‘is that you just gave me the most amazing experience of my life.’ She wasn’t afraid for him to know that truth. ‘And I’ll treasure it always.’
‘I could have—’
She covered his mouth with her hand and shook her head. ‘It was perfect. I didn’t want you to stop. Please don’t be mad.’
He blinked and pulled her hand away, keeping a tight hold of it in his. ‘I’m not mad. I’m just...’ He drew in a jagged breath. ‘I’m sorry you didn’t trust me enough to tell me.’
‘I trusted you not to hurt me. To take care with me. And I was right. But personal things...’
‘You think what just happened wasn’t personal?’ he countered. ‘Why did you give me this? Why for only a few hours, when I can offer you so little in return?’
‘Other people do.’
‘Other people haven’t saved themselves—’ He frowned as if she were a puzzle. ‘No boyfriend ever, Elsie?’
His surprise made her smile. ‘Did you think I’d been having flings all over the continent?’
‘Other people do,’ he echoed.
‘Yeah, well...’ She shrugged.
He gazed at her for another long moment. ‘Don’t you think you’re worth an actual relationship?’ He tightened his hold as she tried to tug her hand free of his. ‘You don’t have them, do you? Even friendships. You move places so frequently I don’t think it’s possible. You won’t put down roots. You won’t fight to stay in one place. Why?’ He gazed right into her eyes. ‘You can tell me anything...you know that, right?’
She knew he meant it. But she shook her head. ‘I told you, I trust you with my body, Felipe. But my secrets? My thoughts? What’s precious to me in here?’ She pressed her hand to her heart. ‘I don’t trust anyone with any of that.’
‘Who broke your trust, Elsie?’
She smiled sadly. ‘I’d have to trust you to tell you.’
‘I won’t tell anyone. I won’t see you again past sunrise. What’s the risk in telling me?’
‘What’s the reason to?’