The Wedding Night They Never Had

CHAPTER ELEVEN

SHEHADN’TMEANTto just come out with it. She hadn’t meant to say it at all but, looking out over the crowds, watching them shout for him, cheer for him, gaze at him as if he was the centre of their world, she felt that very same adoration burning like a coal at the centre of her chest.

In that moment, as he’d taken her hand and smiled at the crowd, she hadn’t cared if they accepted her or not. She hadn’t cared about them at all.

The only thing that mattered to her was him.

And she wanted him.

She wanted to mean something to him too.

Tonight she’d watched him become the kind of king he should be, not bound by his father’s legacy or trying to fit his brother’s shoes. A less formal, more accessible kind of king. A king who wasn’t only respected but who was loved too.

A king she could love. A king she already loved. It should have been enough to be his wife, to know that she’d helped him be all he could be, the way he’d helped her. To be his queen. To be his lover.

It was more than she’d ever thought she’d have and yet...

It wasn’t enough.

And she was scared. While it was clear he was ready to take her to bed again, she wasn’t sure how long that would continue. This whole week, he’d shut her out, and he’d done the same the week before. He distanced himself whenever she challenged him, making her feel as if she was walking on egg shells around him, and that felt...precarious.

This situation—their marriage and thus her future—felt precarious. Was this what it would be like between them from now on? Would it be her, loving him from afar, surviving on whatever attention he chose to give her? Never knowing whether she’d say the wrong thing and end up being shut out again?

She’d never had anyone accept her for who she was, not the way he’d accepted her. She’d never had anyone who thought she was beautiful or interesting, or even worth knowing, the way he did. And though that was wonderful, there was still one thing she’d never had, not from anyone.

Love.

Was it so wrong to want that? So wrong to ask for it?

Cassius lifted his head, staring down at her, a hot amber glow burning in his eyes. ‘Let’s talk about this later.’

‘When later?’ The words came out before she could stop them. ‘Before or after you refuse to speak to me for another week? Or refuse to take me to your bed?’

‘Inara, I—’

‘It’s a simple question, Cassius. Yes or no?’ She was trembling all of a sudden, her chest gone tight and sore. ‘And I’m guessing that, since you can’t answer it, you don’t.’

He stared at her for a long moment then took a step back, lifting a hand and shoving it distractedly through his black hair. ‘You surprised me. I wasn’t expecting you to ask a question like that.’

She swallowed, her heart a piece of broken glass embedded in her chest, jagged and sharp. ‘I told you I loved you, Cassius. And then you ignored me for an entire week. You wouldn’t even let me come to your bed.’

His hand dropped. ‘You told me that you loved the prince.’

‘Yes. And I love the King too. I love you. I’ve loved you for years.’ There wasn’t any point hiding it. He’d told her his secret and now it was her turn to share hers, and there was a kind of freedom in that.

Emotions flickered over his face, gone too fast for her to see what they were, before his features finally settled into the expression she hated so much. The calm one, the condescending one. The mask he used when he wanted to distance people. When he wanted to hide.

‘I know I’ve treated your poorly,’ he said levelly. ‘I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that but—’

‘Is this what our marriage will be like from now on?’ She took a step forward, anger igniting inside her. A cleansing, freeing anger. ‘I only get whatever crumbs of attention you give me? Ignored whenever I challenge you, barred from your bed whenever I offend you?’

‘No, that’s not—’

‘Will it be like it was before, Cassius? Will I be banished to the Queen’s rooms, like I was banished to the Queen’s Estate? Existing only when you choose to recognise my existence? Wheeled out for state functions or whenever you need a queen on your arm? Summoned only when you need a woman in your bed.’

The calm mask cracked, a fierce glow beginning to burn in his eyes. ‘I never banished you. No, I didn’t summon you last week, but you never tried to contact me either. You didn’t come to my door. You told me you loved the prince I once was and then you walked out.’

It was true. That was exactly what she’d done. ‘Because I thought you needed some time to think about it and I didn’t want to crowd you. Plus, tonight required a bit of planning, and I didn’t want you to know about it. And even if I hadn’t been doing all of that, would you have let me in if I’d come to you? Or would you have sent an aide to tell me you were “too busy”?’ She took another step towards him, her anger burning hotter. ‘And why should I be the one who always has to come to you, anyway? Why should I be the one who has to wait for you to be ready to receive me?’