It was why he didn’t make very many.
“Good.” She seemed happy.
“Did you want some whiskey?”
She wrinkled her nose. “No. I think perhaps it is best that I keep my wits about me. That is a bad thing about alcohol. It takes your wits.”
He chuckled. “Not a problem I have.”
“Why?”
“I drink too much. And it has ceased to affect me.”
She frowned. “Why?”
“Don’t you have things you like to forget?”
She nodded, her expression getting very sad. “I have so many things I would like to forget. But I spent a great many years with only my own company, and I have been forced to go over the very bad things in my mind far too many times. Now... There is little point. It is too late. I have relived the past over and over again.”
“I’m sorry.”
Her lips curved upward. “I almost believe you.”
“I am,” he said, taking another drink of the whiskey.
“Do you feel it?” She touched her chest. “Here. Your sorry.”
He wished he could tell her he did. That, in and of itself, was a novelty. “No. But I don’t feel anything there. Except for maybe anger.”
She nodded. “I am well familiar with that. It burns. I have been so angry, for so many years. Sometimes anger is the only thing that keeps you alive. And everything else... It just hurts too badly.”
“Yes, you’re right. Anger is easy. Anger gets things done.”
“Pity is a pointless one. I tried that when I was twelve. Felt an endless amount of self-pity to go along with my grief. But then I remember, I’m the one that’s alive. Not my family. So pity is not something I should feel for myself. Angry is better.”
“Angry is better.” He lifted his glass. “And if you would drink, we could say cheers to that.”
“Say cheers?” She squinted and looked at him.
“A toast,” he clarified.
“It is not toast.”
“No. It’s... Salud.”
“Right,” she said, understanding.
“Where did you learn English?” he asked, intrigued by this woman who was such a strange mix of naivete and cynicism.
“From my governess. When I was a girl. So I had a lot of years when I did not use it. But I made a game in my head. To remember to speak French, and English, and German. So that I don’t forget any.”
“What was your life like?”
“Oh, it was not so bad. Except the loneliness. I had school. They could not risk me being stupid. But they also did not want me to be too educated, so they did not show me news from the world outside. I have spent the last year reading about everything that happened. Everything that happened in the world. It has been a strange and depressing time for me. But also, good.”
“I imagine. That many years of world history all in one go seems a little bit extreme.”
She smiled. “My life is nothing but extreme. That I can say.”