There hasn’t been a day since Jericho and I started having sex that he hasn’t been inside of me at least once. He never once used a condom or even mentioned protection. Not even that first time he thrust into me not knowing I was a virgin. You don’t have to be a doctor or good at math to know the chances are high that I could end up pregnant very soon. If I’m not already.
He buries his face in my neck as he tries to catch his breath. I run my fingers up and down his back in a soft caress.
“Never enough,” I think I hear him say.
“Hmm?”
“Morning.” He trails kisses up my neck. “Love waking up to you.”
I love it too. More than that, I’m pretty sure I love him altogether. When Jericho came here and I heard the will, I was crushed. I didn’t understand why Michael would do this to us. To me. I was already hurting and then he brought the devil to live with me.
A man that could easily destroy me. I hated it. Jericho’s control over my emotions enraged me. He was always so cruel. I told myself over and over I hated him. I was trying to convince myself. I think even through it all that I loved him. He led me to believe in love at first sight. It killed me when he looked at me with such hate.
“I love your way of waking me up, too,” I say instead. He slowly pulls out of me, his cock still half hard. Some of his release follows. He rolls to his side so that he’s facing me.
“Your mind isn’t with me fully today. I want to know what’s going on in that pretty little head of yours.”
“How do you do that?” He reads me so well.
“I just know when I feel you pulling back from me, I don’t like it.” He half growls the last part.
“I was just thinking about how crazy this is. You hated me so much.”
“I never hated you, Sera. I hated myself, and I lashed out. Think how you would feel if I had married someone and had a baby with them.” I cringe at the thought.
“Honestly, I thought you would eventually.” I avert my eyes, unable to even look at him when I say those words.
“Give me those eyes.” He cups my cheek.
“There was no reason for either of us to be jealous. There was nothing to be jealous over. Michael was a good man. I bet he saw in you what I did that first day. A sweetness and a heart of gold. He wanted that for Asher. I want it for myself.”
I reach over and run my fingers through Jericho’s hair. It’s gotten long. “I’ve never felt the way I feel about you with anyone else,” I admit.
“Ditto,” he responds. I force a smile even though my heart starts to ache.
Why can’t I just say those three little words to him? Maybe because I’ve only ever said them to Asher and to Michael when he was dying. They aren’t words that have ever been given to me with the full depth of understanding.
Asher was the first person to say them to me, and only in response to me. He heard me say them so he said them back. It was the same with Michael. He’d parrot them back when I’d whisper them to him on the darkest of his days.
As much as Michael loved Asher and me, I'm not sure he could love as deeply as others. He cared immensely and had compassion and understanding, but there was always this depth he couldn’t reach.
I think he wanted to be able to, but he just wasn’t made that way, and I loved him for who he was and what he gave me: Asher. And maybe he gave me Jericho too. Without Michael, I might never have met Jericho. I believe Michael’s last gift to me was pushing Jericho and me together yet again.
I just wonder if Jericho could ever love me the way I’ve always wanted to be loved.
15
JERICHO
I’m settling in. As each day passes, it’s harder to remember that this was Michael’s place. I’m not sure if it was. According to the papers Charles brought me, Michael bought this house four years ago—right around the time he learned that his friend was pregnant. Before that, he’d lived in a penthouse loft downtown.
He’d bought this place to be a home for Asher and Sera. It had a large park-like backyard, a swimming pool, and a full but empty basement. I found some architect renderings in the bottom of Michael’s desk that showed he had plans to renovate the basement and add a two-lane bowling alley, a theater room, and gaming space. I called up the architect to put the plans back in motion. I’d thought I would need to move, but things have changed. This isn’t a home where Sera loved another man. It was simply a home he wanted for his son.