“Let’s talk inside.”
I caught the door, allowing him to walk ahead of me. I spun the lock behind me and followed him to the kitchen, where he opened the refrigerator and took out a half-bottle of wine.
“Don’t even start with me.” He retrieved two glasses from the cupboards and filled them up. “I’m sure I’m going to need something strong if I’m going to get through this.”
I took the glass he offered me and sat across from him at the table.
“Would you have done it?”
Kit swallowed a mouthful and placed the glass on the table. “Would I have done what?”
“You know. Slept with him.”
He scrunched up his face. “That’s what we’re talking about? I thought you were going to explain to me why…” He glanced around and leaned forward, lowering his voice. “You killed that man.”
“We can get to that part later.” I tightened my hand around the glass. “Would you?”
“This is rich coming from you.”
“For god’s sake, Kit, just answer the damn question. Would you have let him fuck you?”
His cheeks were red, but he stared right at me. “Yes, I would have. It’s just a job, right? That’s all I am to you, and it says so in my job description. I have to sleep with—”
“I don’t give a damn what it says in any goddamn job description.”
“You don’t? Because earlier Liam was quite clear about what you expected me to do. By any means necessary.”
“Forget whatever Liam told you. You don’t sleep with anyone else. Ever.”
“Didn’t your other baits sleep with your targets?”
I rose from my chair and braced my hands on the table. “I don’t give a damn what anyone else has done. I’m talking about you, Kit. Don’t… don’t do that ever again. I’d rather you blow the whole fucking mission than go that far.”
Kit’s chest rose and fell. “Then how far am I allowed to go? You keep changing the rules.”
“When it comes to anyone sticking anything inside you, that’s where I draw the fucking line.”
His eyes locked on mine. I wanted to look away—needed to look away—knowing they probably reflected all the conflicting emotions in me, but he held me captivated.
“Why does it matter to you who wants to stick whatever in me?”
“It just does.”
He frowned. “You have to do better than that. That’s not a proper answer.”
“Well, it’s the only one I have for you right now, Kit.” I sat back in the chair heavily and picked up my glass. This time I downed half of it. “I’m not sure what to make of this. I’ve never…” I gestured helplessly between us. “I’ve kissed and touched and acted the part in public, but it’s never been like this. With real feelings.” That was how he made me feel, like my entire world had shifted on its axis. Or maybe for the first time it had found its axis, and it was this confusingly sweet, hot boy.
“I can’t say I know what’s going on inside your head,” he said, some of the tension leaving his body. He rubbed the back of his neck. “I’ve known I’m gay since before I was a teen.”
“And I don’t know what I am anymore,” I said. “All I know is that you’ve gotten under my skin, and until I find out what I’m going to do about it, I don’t want to see you like I did tonight. I’ve never wanted to kill anyone as badly as I did when I saw him behind you, getting ready to…to…” I flung back the rest of the drink.
“Then why did you leave for two weeks?”
“I had a job to do. I thought Liam told you.”
He pulled his feet up onto the chair, wrapped his arms around his legs, and rested his chin on his knees. He looked vulnerable like that. My chest was so tight with the need to protect him. To make him mine. To hear him say he’d let no one else get close to him but me.
“I wanted to hear it from you. You could’ve picked up a phone at any time and called me.”