Queen of Hearts (Wonderland 2)

“Mom,” I say, swallowing back my pride that is demanding I hang up the phone immediately. “I need help.”

“Help? What do you mean?” I can hear her husband calling her, telling her they need to get going. “Hey, can this wait for another time? You got me and Jackson at a bad time. We were just walking into drinks with some new friends and—”

“Did you not hear me? I need help.” I want to scream at her and demand that she listens to her daughter for once in our lives.

“Yeah, I heard you. It’s just that we’re really in the middle of something, and I’m all the way in Belize. Can’t you call your brother or something?” She yells back to Jackson that she’ll be right there. “I’m sure Dylan will love helping you with whatever you need. I gotta go. Love ya.”

She hangs up the phone.

I hear the click and the sound feels as if it just shredded my heart. I’ve never asked my mother for help. I’ve never flat-out said the words to her. Maybe because I always knew that I couldn’t rely on her. Maybe I always knew that this would be the exact outcome. Maybe because I never truly had a mother to begin with. I was born an orphan. Abandoned from the start.

Alone. I’m all alone.

I hang up the phone, trying to shake off the pain, and look around my room. Warm colors, plush pillows, antique furniture, stone walls, and an Italian charm embraces me with comfort, but I wonder if I’ll ever be able to do what Sasha asked.

Be happy.

I don’t know what being happy truly looks like. I want to. God, I want to. But right now, the only emotion I have is fear… and exhaustion.

And regret.

Maybe I should have never left Bishop’s Landing.

Maybe I’m just like my mother, always running away, trying to chase a way out of the dark hole we’ll forever be in.

Walking over to the bed, I realize I’ve never been as tired as I am right now. Self-reflection is going to have to wait for another day.

Thoughts of Nick will have to wait…

Darkness.