“They’re looking for a snake nest,” Seki explained. “Sometimes the cattle disturb them and there are more than one ready to strike.”
I don’t know how long I stood there in Seki’s arms, watching Ace and Ben search the ground, watching as the steer’s face swelled more and more.
It seemed like an eternity passed before Ace looked over at us and said, “It’s clear!”
I ripped myself from Seki’s arms and sprinted forward.
From closeup, the steer looked even worse. I knelt on the ground a few feet from the animal and pulled out my tube and the antivenom and slowly approached the terrified animal. In a quick movement, I grabbed the animal around the neck with one arm and attempted to shove the tube in its nose with the other. It was slippery from the blood pouring from the steer’s face.
I met resistance as I tried to push it in and the animal cried out in pain. When I thought that it was far enough in to encourage breathing, I grabbed the antivenom from the ground and ripped off the cap of the needle. The cow seemed to be slowing down at that point, swaying from side to side. The front of its body dropped to its knees just before I sank the needle into its flesh and pushed down the plunger.
I toss the needle inside and kneel in front of the steer’s face, putting my lips around the tube and breathing in, trying to force life back into its body.
“Jada, stop,” Ben said, but I didn’t listen and kept blowing. “Jada, it’s not going to survive.”
“It’s too far gone, Jada,” Ace said, touching my shoulder.
But I kept it up even as I watched the steer fade in front of me.
Someone slide their hands under my arms and pulled me back. I saw vibrant tattoos in my periphery and knew it was Ben. He spun me around in his arms, pulling my head to his chest.
A second gunshot filled the air as Ace shot the steer. Through my sobs, I heard the steer fall over and hit the ground.
Dinner that night was a somber affair. The guys could all tell I was having trouble processing what happened earlier in the day and all tried to cheer me up in their own way. Ace offered to lend me his favorite book to read, Seki asked if I wanted to have a movie night, and Hank and Ben tried to lighten everything by telling jokes. They managed to get a smile or two from me, but I was too distraught to do more than that.
I excused myself after dinner. Thankfully, it wasn’t my night to help with cleanup and dishes, so I was able to slip away, claiming I was tired.
I was tired, but it was more of a mental and emotional tiredness than a physical one. That was a lot harder to cure than simply going to sleep for a solid eight hours and waking up the next morning feeling refreshed.
When I got to my room and closed the door behind me, I found myself at a loss. I didn’t know what to do with myself. Going to bed at seven-thirty wasn’t an option because I would wake up at three in the morning, unable to sleep any longer. I didn’t need to throw off my entire sleep schedule on top of feeling lousy.
In the end, I laid down on my bed, put on a podcast I enjoyed, and decided to play silly games on my phone as a distraction.
Around nine, I heard a knock on my door.
“It’s open!” I called.
Ace walked in, a somber expression on his face. He was already dressed in his night clothes, a faded blue T-shirt and gray sweatpants.
He walked in the room and closed the door behind him, leaving it open a few inches like he didn’t want to be improper or make me uncomfortable about being shut in a room alone with him.
Ace stood there, looking unsure of himself, so I patted the edge of my bed and sat up, leaning against my headboard.
“Hey,” I said.
“Hi, Jada,” he replied as he sat down. “Are you free to talk for a few minutes?”
“Sure,” I said. Gesturing to my phone, I said, “Believe me, I’m not doing anything important.”
He gave me a shy smile. Then he took a deep breath and said, “I guess I wanted to see how you were doing and to see if you were upset with me.”
I frowned. “Why would I be upset with you?”
He looked down and began playing with the loose fabric of his sweats by his knee. “Well, I know everything that happened earlier really upset you. And I made the decision to put the animal down. I didn’t know if you were angry with me about that.”
I laid my hand over his. “Oh, no, I’m not upset with you, Ace. I’m upset that I’m a vet and there was nothing I could do to save it. It’s my job to save it.”