This shit was messing with me for sure. In the past week, a fatigue I’d never known had me in a chokehold. And this wasn’t the first time my heart had gone crazy. I took another slug. Maybe once the alcohol hit my nerves I would calm down.
Tae leaned back into the plush cushions, popped his foot across his knee. He considered me. “You stressed?”
I finished the drink quickly, wanting it to slow my heart rate which was unrelenting. “Only as much as an ordinary person would be in my circumstances.”
Quinn got up and headed to the fridge again. “Plenty of juice left in here.” She knelt and looked inside. “Want something stronger?”
I did. I wanted something strong, less like liquid and more like a pill. Quinn offered me a shot, and it hit my system a bit more quickly, taking what I guessed was anxiety down a notch. It was hitting me hard, and as much as I tried to play it cool, I nearly clutched my chest.
Tae leaned in. “Man, what’s up?”
I sat back. “Just some heart palpitations, I guess.”
Quinn sat again, next to me, and put her hand on my knee. “That shit sucks. Don’t worry. It’ll pass. Just keep telling yourself it will. My dad has a pill for that, but you’re not supposed to mix it with alcohol. You’d have to stay over…”
I waved my hand. “No. It’s cool. This hasn’t happened before, though. I’m not like this.”
“Lucky you.” Tae sat back again. “I don’t think I know anyone over twenty in LA who hasn’t had some kind of anxiety. This town can do it to you.”
This was not a club I wanted to me a member of. It felt like I was having a heart attack. Had I really let all this get to me to this level? I couldn’t believe this was happening in front of Tae and Quinn. For the first time in my life, I felt properly embarrassed.
Quinn ran around her house and came back with some homeopathic tablets she’d found in a cupboard, which I doubted had as much effect as the shot kicking in. Thankfully, after we ate some burgers and spinach salad the housekeeper brought us, I felt a bit better.
I avoided trigger topics that night, and we mostly regurgitated stories from our touring. Once my breath came back to normal and my bitchy heart decided to keep to the time signature, I tried to focus on gratitude that Quinn and Tae had such optimistic outlooks.
Tae had to hit the road, and I decided to stay a half hour longer to let the alcohol settle through my system. Quinn wasn’t full-on drunk but what I’d call lively. Chatting with her would take my mind off how shitty I felt because she was basically a jester holding court when she drank more than her fair share.
When she came back from walking Tae out, she strutted in my direction as if on a catwalk. She’d flirted many times before, and her prancing was nothing new. But the look in her eye was. “Well, I thought he’d never leave.”
To that I said nothing because I didn’t know what to make of it. Had she intended to be funny? Or melodramatic?
Quinn plopped next to me on the lounger and put her arm around me. “You’re a good guy, Drake. But damn do you overthink things.”
“Do I? Or do I just actually think about them which in contrast to your spontaneity seems extra?”
She hugged me in with her arm. “That’s true. You’re very smart, too.” She pulled away from me in order to face me but kept her hand on my shoulder. “I know it sucks to go through a breakup, but you really are better off without her.”
I shrugged her hand off my shoulder and wondered if she was sober enough to tell just how rigid I’d gone. “I hope you’re saying that just to make me feel better.”
“I’m dead serious. Honestly, I was trying to be nice about her and I being friends in high school, but she has some seriously…” She considered my face and guessed wrong. “Let’s just say she was kinda morbid. Like some kinda Goth-emo girl, and nobody really was into her. If it weren’t for her dad…”
“Quinn. Stop.”
Feigned innocence smeared across her face. “What? Stop what? I’m just saying you dodged a bullet. That chick was depressing. Always moping around. Like I said when I saw her, she hasn’t changed. When you’re talking wrinkles and weight gain it’s a good thing, but our personalities should evolve.”
I stood, so angry my head spun when I did. I had to blink to get my bearings. “And how have you changed, Quinn? Did you used to be nice and now you’re not?”
She tugged at my hand. “Drake, come on. Sit down.”
“Just so we’re on the same page, you’re saying Maeve isn’t worth a damn?”
“She’s worth someone’s damn. Just not yours.”
I shook my head and smiled to myself the way people did when it felt like something was pushing you over the edge. The way you shook your head and smiled when you thought you just might be going insane. Maeve was right. I mean, I knew she was right, I just thought I could handle it. Be loyal for long enough and the problem would go away.
But Quinn was a liar and a smiling assassin. How had I not seen it? I was a fucking fool. I knew Quinn was a flirt. I knew it had bothered Maeve. What I hadn’t counted on was Quinn being so venomous that I now doubted every moment Maeve had had to spend around her. Had she been sending bitchy vibes to Maeve all along? Had Maeve known Quinn felt this way about her?
I’d felt completely aboveboard until now. Now, I looked like an absolute douchebag.