“Apparently, it’s old enough for bags under your eyes.”
It wasn’t like Drake to avoid giving a direct answer. He’d deflected. I placed my hand on his. His gaze met mine, and that same feeling I’d always had of wanting my skin to melt into his and become one came back again.
“Drake, I’m asking if you’re okay.”
He took my hand in his and gave a sideways grin. “I’m fine. Better today that yesterday.”
When we got out of the car, the evening air was already chilly. I felt silly in my winter jacket and Drake in only a jean jacket. He still had Seattle blood. Fifty degrees didn’t faze him but it did me.
We turned to walk toward the Pier from our parking spot. Its magical lights and iconic neon signs brought back all the memories of Uyu. They promised fun, but glowed with mystery. I couldn’t believe I’d faced losing this man twice. I had nearly left him there. I’d nearly left him in the RI parking lot.
As we wandered, taking in the games and figuring out what to do, I wished he’d hold my hand. But I had only myself to blame for our platonic walk down the Pier. I’d really gone back and forth a million times, justifying my need for the breakup and telling myself it had been the biggest mistake of my life.
Now, with us reunited, everything felt so right. Except one thing. The word fine. It, more than anything, set my intuition off. Drake wasn’t the kind of guy who used words like “fine.” For a man like Drake, so used to wearing his heart on his sleeve, so naturally poetic by nature, that word felt like he hid something.
“When you say you’re ‘fine,’” I made air quotations, “is this a new Drake I’m seeing or am I right in thinking you’re trying not to bother me with how you’re really feeling? I know we haven’t talked in a while but I do still care.” I touched his arm warmly—fuck, I wanted to grab his hand.
“No, I haven’t changed. Not that I know of.” His jaw ticked. He kept it clenched, obviously considering my question before answering. “I am fine. Just not the kind of fine people usually mean. I’m not fine as in satisfactory. I’m fine as in sometimes, I feel,” he ran his fingers through those glorious curls, “fine as in wispy. As in flyaway. Floaty.”
His life, much like mine, had come crashing down all at once.
“I’ve been told I’m lucky to have escaped anxiety all this time.” The light warmed his complexion as we walked. He laughed lightly. “Maybe that’s true.”
“That’s a very LA thing to say. Let me guess. Quinn?” As soon as her name came out of my mouth, I’d regretted it. I didn’t want to change the subject. My stomach knotted with worry. Such a positive person like Drake, always able to control himself and his outlook on life, should not have anxiety.
“Tae actually,” he corrected.
I stopped walking so I could assess his face when he answered my question. “Do you have actual anxiety? Like physical symptoms?”
I tried not to sound too worried, though I wasn’t sure why I tried to be cool about it. Maybe because he was.
“I’m sure it’s all the same physical response as what everyone else goes through when shit hits the fan.”
An image of Jay, a man I didn’t know and might never, came into my mind, and I despised him. In my head this guy was a nasty, low-level thief. How could anyone screw a guy like Drake over? Drake was joint first with my dad when it came to loving souls. Why did the worst things happen to the best people? My words came out more tempered than they felt.
“I hate that you’re dealing with this, Drake. You don’t deserve it.”
“C’est la vie. We create our own suffering. I’m trying to keep it in perspective.” He stopped in front of Bubba Gump Shrimp. “Ha. I didn’t know this was here. Was this named after Forrest Gump, or did the movie snatch the name?”
“Not sure.” Somehow, the thought of Tom Hanks made me smile.
Drake smiled, too, amused.
I just couldn’t shake this all off, though. Life was like a box of chocolates, and you should chew on each one before moving to the other. Bringing up the lawsuit again made me curious as to how everything had gone down with Jacinta.
“What happened with Hunter? If you don’t mind me asking? I mean… I know it’s none of my business, but if there’s anything I could do to help…”
“Ha. Weird to say that anything there isn’t your business. It’s your family business. I’m sure potentially losing two-point-seven mill feels like everyone’s business there.”
I said nothing. It was a lot of money, but numbers became obsolete over time. At least to lawyers. Whether it was two times two or two million times two million, it was just about getting the sum right on my paperwork. If you let numbers get to you as a lawyer, made things too important, you’d lose your head. My dad used to say that about contracts, too.
“It’s just math,” he used to say. “Don’t get too wound up about it.”
Drake continued. “Anyway, it seems like not only will it potentially be okay but there’s a chance to flip it on its head. It’s fucked up through this whole thing that I still feel a sense of duty to not put Jay in a painful position.”
“I get that. I don’t share your sentiment regarding this particular individual but I do get that even when someone you love harms you, you still want to help them be their old self again.”
“Something like that.” He swept a finger along my jawline.
It felt so good I wanted to lean into him.
“I know you get it, Maeve. That’s why I kind of got why you broke it off. Choosing between duty and the things that seem like mere wants can feel selfish.”
I nodded.
He placed his palms on either side of my face and gazed deeply into my eyes. He didn’t want to talk about Jay anymore. It was clear to see in his sultry brown eyes. He had that hungry look, the one where he wanted to feast on my heart and make me a part of him. Just like he’d done every time he’d looked at me when we used to be together.
“What are we doing here? Tell me how we got to this place where we’re standing in these lights, on a romantic winter’s evening, and I’m not supposed to kiss you?”