My mouth became dry as his offer suddenly became very real. Worse still, I didn’t want to deny him - I didn’t want to deny myself. I wanted to experience the promised land. I wanted to be taken to new heights. I wanted to find myself beneath someone else. Because this, this right here, was not an Andrew. Dimitri fell into a category all his own. I couldn't define him, he was the most delicious paradox I had ever met, and I wanted to experience all of him. And I didn’t have to like him to experience this with him. Maybe I could get something a little more out of this assignment, and when I went home - back to my mother, and my father’s company, and boring Andrew - I could say that at least I had lived, even if it had only been for a few weeks.
“And if I say yes?” I threw the statement out there, holding my breath, waiting for the rejection - the ridicule - the joke.
But I threw it out anyway, full well knowing that he would likely turn around and say that he was joking, that I was calling his bluff. But I had to try because this was something I was choosing for myself - him for myself. This wasn't my mother’s choice, or even The Club’s choice - it was mine.
The attraction hummed between us, building in every argument, every push for control.
“The Bratva always keep their word,” he responded smoothly, deftly reminding me of all that he was. As if I could somehow forget. And I envied that about him. I envied his ability to make no excuses for who or what he was, to rather embrace all his flaws and the role that he had been thrust into. Perhaps if I had a solid idea of where I exactly fit in, or belonged in the world, I too could boast the confidence that Dimitri had.
Instead, I gave him a tight smile, "I'll think about it."
His shrugged reply was filled with nonchalance as if my answer did not hold the same weight for him as it did for me. And I guess it didn't. Disappointment threatened to drown me as I finished my coffee and left to be alone in my room, leaving Dimitri to his own devices. I knew that things had shifted between us, it just irritated me that Dimitri couldn't act like a decent person for more than a heartbeat.
Flinging my door open, I made a beeline for the bed, reaching for my cards, for comfort.