Flawless Ruin

JULIET

After the company retreat,and my filthy rendezvous with Caleb, I realize I can’t keep David hanging on. It would be cruel to use him to make Caleb jealous, or to have him think there’s a possibility of us being together, while another man consumes my every waking thought.

And most of my sleeping ones, too.

So I let him down easy.

At least, I thought it was easy.

I told him the truth, about how though he was an amazing guy, I’m still too messed up from my previous relationship to give him the attention he deserved.

Yeah, so messed up, I could barely walk the following day.

He took it well, at least. He told me he understood completely. There was no emotional scene; we just went our separate ways. Thank God. Because I already feel terrible enough over having hate-sex with Caleb, I don’t need another reason to hate myself, too.

Because I’m cracking up. Despite being unceremoniously dumped like garbage by Caleb, I still crave more. My mind knows he’s crossed a line, treating me this way, but my body…

My body still aches with desire, imagining him taking me like that again. Hard and fast, until I break apart under his expert hands.

Not that it’s going to happen. He didn’t even look at me for the rest of the retreat. As Mara drove us home, I pretended to be asleep, but really, I was on the verge of tears.

I hate him. Hate, hate, hate.

But that doesn’t stop me from having wild sex dreams about him, every time I close my eyes. I keep imagining him thrusting into me, then wake, panting and sweating and clawing the air, desperate for him.

This can’t go on.

“I’m going to hand in my notice,” I tell Mara, as we head to the office on Monday morning.

Her eyes widen. “What? Why?”

I give her a look.

“OK, the whole ‘messy breakup with the boss’ is a good reason,” she admits, “But I thought you were waiting it out.”

I shake my head. “I can’t, not anymore. I was planning to stay until I found something new but… It’s too much. I can’t be near him. Nothing good happens when we’re together. I can’t trust myself.”

All he has to do is touch me, and good sense goes out the window. If he tells me to spread my legs, I know I’d do it in a heartbeat, despite everything. His sexual pull is just too strong.

So, I need to get as far away from Caleb Sterling and his filthy mouth, and wicked hands, and miraculous cock as possible.

“When are you going to tell him?” Mara asks.

I gulp. Caleb will take it as a victory. Like he won. But maybe that’s OK. He can win the battle, if I keep my sanity intact. “I’ll… Find the right moment,” I say, with a flutter of nerves.

“Good luck!”

Caleb’s door is closed as we approach the executive area. Vicki is there, typing away. She checks her watch. “You’re ten minutes late.”

“Sorry!” I give her an appeasing smile. “Subway was packed.”

She grunts, “Don’t make it an everyday thing.”

“Good morning to you, too, Vicki,” Mara trills, then whispers in my ear. “I can’t believe you technically report to her.”

I manage a smile and turn to my desk.

There’s a long box on it. The kind roses are delivered in.