I thought a moment. “I’ve learned that you’re a caretaker from the way you treat your grandmother, but also by the small things you do. For example, if we’re walking down the street, you always walk on the outside. You never want me to take the subway at night, and the first thing you noticed about my new apartment was that it needed an alarm.”
He nodded. “Anything else, doc?”
I looked over at the fishbowl on the coffee table and pointed my chopstick. “You also reflect on things people say, long after they’ve been said.”
Merrick followed my line of sight and then turned back to me. “I didn’t think I was capable of moving on, but it turned out, I’d never really tried.”
I set my chopsticks down. “So what have you learned by studying me?”
He reached over, plucked a piece of broccoli from my plate, and popped it into his mouth. “You like your hair pulled and when I talk dirty to you.”
I smacked his arm. “It figures you’d take this conversation there.”
He finished chewing and swallowed. “You’re gun shy about men because the ones you loved hurt you really badly.”
I sighed and nodded. “I don’t think that one was too hard to figure out.”
“Maybe not. But you’re also the most resilient person I know. Most people who went through the shit you’ve gone through, whether it’s with your dad or your fuckwad ex, would feel like the victim. But not you. You don’t know how to be the victim in your story. You only know how to be the heroine, and the heroine always dusts herself off and goes on.”
“Thank you for saying that. But there have definitely been days where I’ve let myself wallow and feel like the victim.”
“Well, you’d never know it.”
“You probably won’t be saying that next week. I have my first court date with Christian next Friday.”
Merrick frowned. “Still can’t believe that guy is suing you. Why don’t I come to keep you company?”
“It’s sweet of you to offer. But I think it’s something I need to handle on my own.”
He nodded. “The offer wasn’t coming from an entirely sweet place. I’m a little territorial when it comes to you. But I understand.”
After we finished eating, I packed up the leftover food while Merrick got changed. Then we sat in the living room and watched TV for a while. Merrick had his feet propped up on the coffee table, and I lay down with my head on his lap.
“Oh, I forgot to tell you.” I turned on my side to look up at him. “I almost got caught coming up here. When I got in the elevator, I pushed your floor, but then Joan walked out of the office and joined me in the car.”
“Did she notice?”
“No. Because I panicked and hit all the buttons on the panel before she entered, so she couldn’t see what I’d pressed.”
Merrick chuckled. “That’s one way to handle it.”
“It was the best I could think of in the moment. But I think it worked. Oh, and she saw you coming out of my office earlier, so I told her you’d stopped in to let me know you wanted to start therapy yourself.”
“I’m starting therapy?”
“I felt like she was looking for a reason you were in my office, now that you’re not my boss anymore. I pulled that out of my ass. Then I had to walk to my train and wait until the coast was clear before coming back up. Let me tell you, I was a nervous wreck until I made it safely up here.”
Merrick stroked my hair. “You know I don’t want to hide you forever.”
Those damn butterflies in my belly went crazy once again. Merrick was not a man who spoke first and thought about his words later. So the fact that he’d used the word forever hit me hard. The signs were all there that I meant something to him, but I hadn’t let myself believe it yet.
“Maybe we could tell Joan soon,” I said. “That way I’m not lying to my boss. But I do think we should keep our relationship quiet when it comes to the employees, at least while I’m working to establish trust and let them get to know me.”
Merrick leaned over and brushed his lips with mine. “That sounds like a good compromise.”
I rested my head back in his lap and stared at the goldfish on the table, watching them swim before rolling on my back to look up at Merrick again. “Thank you for moving the goldfish.”
He smiled. “My apartment might be big, but I thought it was important to show you there was room for you.”