I think the hiking was his way of getting out of the house and forgetting that it was Christmas. A way to avoid thinking about the presents he wasn’t placing in front of us that morning. Little did he know that it would be my favorite Christmas. We packed lunches and ate them on top of a huge hill looking down on the pastures below. We could see for miles and miles. It was peaceful and nice for the three of us to be together with no distractions. Still to this day, I get the urge to go hiking on Christmas.
“Yeah. Best Christmas ever,” Lo sighs, wrapping her arm around my shoulder and leaning her head against mine. We sit staring at Daddy’s tiny headstone for what feels like an eternity, and all the while, Jameson sits behind us in the distance, quietly giving us the time and space we need to remember the man who selflessly raised us. He wasn’t a perfect father—none of them are—but he showed up and tried his best. He was as perfect as he could have been.
“You know, he’s a really nice guy,” Lo cuts into my thoughts. I jerk away from her and feign confusion. She rolls her eyes and flips her hair from her shoulder. “Don’t even act like you don’t know what I’m talking about, young lady.”
A snort escapes my nose as I laugh. “He’s a friend, Lo. I don’t know how many times I have to tell you.”
“He’s very…attentive. He follows you around like a lost puppy. He has hearts in his eyes,” she jokes, giving me puppy-dog eyes and trying to nuzzle against my face.
“Stop!” I shriek. I look over at the subject of our discussion, and he stands from his seat under a tree and walks toward us. Pushing Lo off of me, I try my best to compose myself and straighten my hair.
“No, but really. Put the gorgeous man out of his misery. I doubt he’s ever had to chase a woman before.”
“Well, maybe it’ll do him some good,” I argue with a shrug of my shoulder. Her face lights up, but she’s kept from responding by his arrival. She turns her head away from me and bites her thumb nail to keep from laughing.
She has a great point, I think to myself as I look up at Jameson standing over me. He’s the kind of guy most women would fall all over. He’s devilishly handsome, he has his life together, he’s good to his mom without being a total mama’s boy… If I wanted a relationship, I’d be all over him too.
But I don’t want a relationship. I will never want one. Love is great while you’re in the middle of it. It’s the part where everything falls apart that I have a problem with. I’ve seen the aftermath up close and personal and want nothing to do with that. I refuse to be left with two kids and spend days, weeks, months sobbing into my pillow over someone who didn’t think I was worth sticking around for.
Not that I actually think Jameson would ever just up and leave someone like my mom did. But rarely does love ever last. It’s never a guarantee that two people will be in love forever and spend their entire lives together. It seems that’s more the exception than the rule. Something could come in between us and ruin everything. I like him so much. I’d rather just be his friend and not run the risk of losing him.
He sticks his hand out in front of me to help me stand. I place my hand in his and look up into his eyes. I like the way his calluses rub against my palm and the way his hand engulfs mine. His eyes rove over my face, and a shiver runs down my spine as his fingers pull something from my hair. He smiles as he holds a tiny purple flower petal from Lo’s bouquet in front of my face.
I nervously run my hands through my hair to make sure no more nature is hiding out in my long tresses. Jameson positions himself beside me and gently plays with my hair hanging down my back. It’s distracting, and my brain is short circuiting, which is problematic since he’s asking me a question right now.
“Beg your pardon?” I ask. Lo bites her lips as she watches our exchange.
“I asked what your favorite thing to do with your dad was…twice,” Jameson laughs. He’s still fiddling with my hair, and it does not go unnoticed by my younger sister. She raises and lowers her eyebrows suggestively at me, and I give her a look to tell her to mind her own business.
“Are you okay?” Jameson lowers his brows and asks. “Lo, I’ll redirect my question to you since the unseasonable heat seems to be addling your sister’s brain.”
“Ice cream!” she exclaims.
Jameson stuffs his hands in his pockets and turns to face me with a questioning look on his face. “Ice cream, huh?”
Now that his hands are out of my hair, my brain can process simple thoughts. But gosh, that smile and that dimple on his cheek threaten to send my heart into a frenzy all over again. I nod my head, and he tilts his head toward his truck as he turns to walk in that direction.
Lo looks at me with her mouth gaping open and fans her face dramatically. Rolling my eyes, I smack her shoulder and stomp after Jameson. Her laugh behind me does nothing to calm my frazzled nerves.
Lo has abandoned me and my melting ice cream. Her friend, Amy, is working this afternoon, and they’ve been sitting at the counter, talking, since we got here. They’re gossiping about all of the high school relationships and who’s taking who to the homecoming dance. I completely forgot about the dance coming up in a few weeks. I set a quick reminder in my phone to take Lo shopping for a dress. She told me it wasn’t a big deal since she’s just going with a small group of girlfriends, but it’s her first dance here. I want it to be fun and special for her.
I’m glad she’s finally making friends and fitting in. I was worried those first few weeks after moving here, but things have really turned around for her since she gave Daniel that black eye—not that I condone solving problems with violence.
But I need her to stop being sociable right now and get her perky teenage bum back over here in her chair. I’m in need of a buffer.
Watching Jameson lick that ice cream cone is nothing short of distracting. I can’t even focus enough to remember to eat my own ice cream. I can’t stop watching him, and there’s drool sliding down my chin.
“Are you okay? Do I need to take you home?” Jameson asks me when he sees me staring at my brownie pieces sitting in a puddle of what was once strawberry ice cream.
I snap my head up to meet his gaze and say, “Oh yeah, I’m fine.” His face tells me that he doesn’t believe me for a second, and he’s right—but not for the reason he thinks. It’s becoming increasingly difficult to deny my attraction to him, and I don’t like it one bit. I’ve been attracted to men before, but it was relatively easy to avoid them and forget about them.
Avoiding Jameson is impossible…completely out of the question. Never mind the fact that he lives next door to me, and this town is microscopic. I doubt I’d be able to keep myself away from him even if it were feasible. My fingers itch to text him approximately a hundred times a day. Anytime something exciting happens, he’s the first person I want to tell.
“It’s okay if you’re not, you know. I can’t imagine losing my mom,” he says. There he goes again, being all swoon-worthy, doing absolutely nothing.
“You and your mom are really close, aren’t you?” I ask. I scoop a bite of brownie into my mouth. The ice cream is a complete goner now.
“We are. She’s never given me any other option,” he laughs. He shoves the last bite of his cone into his mouth, and I watch his jaw as he chews. His face turns a little red, and he clears his throat before taking a sip of water. Gosh, I’m so awkward.
“Hey, Millie!” Lo calls over to me. I shift my attention over to her, ignoring Jameson’s stare boring into the side of my face. “Amy gets off work in an hour. Is it okay if I hang out here and then go over to her house?” she asks.
No. No, it’s not okay because then that means I’m alone with Jameson again. I can’t be trusted to be alone with such a perfect specimen of a man. The last time I was alone with him, I clung to him like a koala clings to its favorite tree. Who knows what mortifying things I’ll do this time.
I paste a smile onto my face and pretend like everything is perfectly fine. “Sure,” I reply in a peppy voice. “Be home by ten. It’s a school night,” I remind her.
Jameson stands from the table, and my eyes follow his body up, up, up until they land on his face. He’s watching me with a raised brow, and I roll my eyes. He chuckles as I stand to throw my wasted ice cream in the trash. What a bummer. This place has really good strawberry ice cream.
He totally knows I’ve got the hots for him. Probably nothing new for him, though. I’d be willing to bet that every female who has come into contact with him since he hit puberty has had a mild case of heart palpitations when around him. How many useless EKGs have been ordered by clueless doctors over the years?
It’s fine. I’m fine. I can handle being friends with a gorgeous man. Just because I find him unbelievably attractive doesn’t mean I’m in love with the guy or anything. Plenty of men and women are friends without things getting blurred and weird.