Seth
I haven’t heard from Hannah since our kiss three days ago. I told Colby that it was nothing, but it was a bald-faced lie. That kiss was everything. It’s the only thing I’ve thought about since. I’m going out of my mind not being able to talk to her. I’ve tried calling a few times, but she hasn’t answered.
We had never even hinted at the possibility of a relationship with each other until that earth-shattering kiss. She has no idea that my feelings for her have been changing and growing over the last month, so that kiss came out of left field for her. I wish I knew what she’s thinking and feeling. Did she like it? Or did it completely scare her away from me forever?
I have to do something to make this better, to fix it. I want to show Hannah how I feel and do my best to resist attacking her with my lips again. I came on way too strong the other day. I completely skipped all of the crucial steps that are supposed to come before kissing. I never held her hand, asked her out on a date, told her she’s beautiful.
I need to find some way to convince Colby that I’m not going to hurt his sister. I have no idea why he thinks I’m going to hurt her to begin with. Sure, I’ve had a lot of girlfriends over the years, and sure, I’m usually the one to end things—typically when they start looking at engagement rings on my computer and leave the browser open on a page with an extremely expensive and gaudy diamond ring. Very subtle of them.
Hannah doesn’t strike me as the type to do something like that. And the craziest thing of all is, if she did, I’d ask her what size ring she wears and order it on the spot.
“Seth, what are you doing? Weren’t you leaving twenty minutes ago?” Jake asks, cutting into my thoughts. I look around the kitchen area of the firehouse. Have I really been sitting here daydreaming for twenty minutes?
“Uh, yeah,” I reply and grab my bag from the table. “I’ll see you later.” I’ve just finished my twenty-four-hour shift, and it was a beater. One thing after another after another. I feel like I haven’t slept in a week. I need to go home and crawl in my bed for the rest of the day, but I know I won’t get a wink of sleep if I don’t get to talk to Hannah and get all of these jumbled thoughts off my chest.
I go to the coffee shop and order a grande latte. Normally, coffee makes me jittery, but I’m so tired right now I’m hoping it’ll just turn me into a functioning human and give me enough energy to make it until 8:30 when the library opens. I’m going to corner her and force her to talk to me. Gertrude might scold us again, and yes, that woman terrifies me, but it’ll be worth it to know how Hannah’s feeling. To know what she thought of our kiss. In the heat of the moment, it felt like she was enjoying it. Did I interpret everything wrong?
I get my coffee and drive to the library. I park in the lot and lean my seat all the way back to rest my eyes for a moment. They’re so heavy. I’ll rest for just a few minutes…
A loud banging on my window jolts me from my rest. It feels like it’s only been a moment, but the sun high in the sky tells me it has been hours. I look to my left and see Gertrude’s scowling face looking down on me. She must be standing on the step.
She motions for me to roll down my window, and I obey immediately. I wouldn’t dare to defy this woman. “Why are you sleeping in the parking lot, Seth Miller?”
“I came to talk to Hannah real quick,” I answer. Hopefully, that won’t get Hannah in trouble.
“Hannah isn’t here today, and that still doesn’t explain all the snoring,” Gertrude answers.
“What? Where is she?” I ask, feeling panicked. Does Hannah have some ability to see into the future? Did she know I was coming today and skip out on work?
“That’s none of your business. Now go sleep at your house,” she says. She steps down from the side of my Jeep and gives me one of her quintessential glares before turning and going back into the library.
Feeling extremely disappointed, I drive home. I try to think about anything other than Hannah—like my workout routine, what I can eat for dinner tonight, or baseball—but the universe is against me. I turn on the radio, and “Kiss Me” by Sixpence None the Richer is playing. It’s a great song, but now is not the time. I change the station, and the next one I hear is about stealing kisses. Nope. That hits too close to home.
I turn the radio off completely, but I still can’t escape. There’s a teenage couple walking on the sidewalk, hand in hand, and as I watch them, they stop and give each other a quick kiss. I roll down my passenger side window and yell, “Go to school!” at them. They separate, and they both shout, “It’s spring break, dude!” at me. Now I feel like an idiot.
I get home, but I can’t rest. I text Colby to find out what’s going on.
Seth: I went to the library. Where’s Hannah?
Colby: She has a job interview.
Seth: What? She’s leaving the library?
Colby: She’s leaving Waverly.
What does he mean she’s leaving Waverly? I mean, she told me she was thinking about it, but I didn’t think she was serious. I had hoped it was just talk.
My heart plummets all the way to the floor. I’m going to throw up. Why is this room spinning so fast? Is there an earthquake going on right now? My hands shouldn’t be shaking like this. I can’t breathe. I think I’ll just lie down on this soft carpet for a few minutes.
As I’m lying on the floor in the middle of my living room, another text comes through from Colby. He tells me that she’s not completely decided yet. She’s still just thinking about moving at this point. Good. Thinking about it means that she can still be persuaded to stay. I can change her mind. She has to let me talk to her. I have to tell her how I feel. If she knew how I felt, she wouldn’t leave, would she?
I jump up from the floor and grab my keys to go over to her house and tell her that she cannot take that job. But wait, she’s not home, and even if she was, I can’t barrel in like a crazed maniac, demanding things of her. I don’t have that right. I have no say in what she does with her life whatsoever. But I want to. I want her to care what I think when she’s making major life decisions. I want her to come to me to help her make those decisions. And I want her to help me in return. I need to calm down, sleep, and get my thoughts in order before talking to her.
That’s easier said than done. I lie down in my bed and toss and turn for hours before finally giving up. I shower, then I stand in front of my pantry and eat stale pretzels that I don’t remember buying. I turn on the TV and ignore it while I stare out the window, thinking of Hannah. Just as I’m about to lose my mind, 5:00 rolls around. She should be home by now. My neighbors already think I’m crazy, so I give no thought to my agitated state when I run out of my house, jump in my Jeep, and speed down the street.
My tires come to a screeching halt in front of Colby’s house, and I run to the front door. I can hear talking and laughing as I wait for someone to answer the door. That’s when I notice the other car in the driveway. Crap, they have company.
To my surprise, their mom answers the door. I couldn’t have chosen a worse time to come over and profess my undying love.