The Grump I Despise (When In Waverly 3)

Colby

“You’ll never guess who my wife is having coffee with at this very moment,” Seth says as I place my weights back on the rack. I wipe the sweat from my forehead with the bottom of my t-shirt and make a mental note to wash my towels so I won’t have to resort to using my shirt as a sweat rag during my next workout. Does the gym have stacks of towels I could use? Yes, but the thought of hundreds of other people using them to soak up their gallons of sweat grosses me out.

“I have no idea, and you obviously want to tell me, so spit it out,” I say. I grab a heavier set of dumbbells and test them out with some bicep curls. Perfect. I start my next set and ignore Seth’s excited movements next to me. I haven’t seen him this giddy since Jameson’s nana put the town gossip, Shandi Freeman, in her place after she caught her in a blatant lie.

“Norah Sullivan,” he says with an obnoxious laugh, and then he watches me, waiting for my reaction. I stop what I’m doing and drop the weights onto the floor with a loud thud. Heads turn to look at me, and I pace in front of the mirror. I’m so annoyed I can practically feel the steam coming out of my ears. After all I’ve done for her over the years, my own baby sister has betrayed me. But no, she doesn’t know anything about my disdain for that woman. How do they even know each other?

It’s Norah. It’s always Norah. She has always known exactly what to do or say to get under my skin. And now she’s discovering new, more malicious ways to do it. I can’t believe she’s going through my family now. I guess dating my best friend back in high school wasn’t quite far enough for her. I can deal with a lot, but I will not let her weasel her way in with my family. She can find friends somewhere else.

“Oh no she doesn’t,” I mutter. I rack my weights, grab my water bottle off the floor, and walk toward the front door. Seth catches up and grabs my arm. He pulls his hand back and makes a gagging sound as he wipes my sweat off onto his shorts.

“What are you doing?” he asks.

“What do you think? I’m going to forcibly remove my sister from that coffee shop,” I reply. Seth rolls his eyes and continues to follow me through the maze of gym equipment.

“Don’t you think you’re overreacting just a little bit?” he asks. Me? Overreacting? Absolutely not. Seth wouldn’t understand this. He gets along with almost everyone. He’s the handsome, funny guy. He’s friendly and a little goofy at times—well, most of the time. Everyone has always loved him. I, on the other hand, have never fit in all that well. I have my family, and I have a few friends. That’s how it has always been, and it’s how I like it. I don’t want to have to talk to everyone around me every time I leave my house. I don’t want to make small talk in the grocery store when I just need to buy some eggs. And thankfully, no one expects me to. I did have to offend a few people to get to this point, but now the most I get is a head nod in acknowledgement of my existence. Maybe some people think I’m rude, but so be it.

I’m around humans all day, five days a week. Throw in guys’ night with Jameson and Seth and the weekly baseball game I go to every Thursday, and I get peopled out.

I don’t need Norah-freaking-Sullivan coming in and taking away one of the precious few people I actually enjoy being around. One of the people who doesn’t judge me for my introverted ways. Hannah is my sister and my best friend’s wife. If she’s friends with Norah, then she’ll start bringing her around. I’d be forced to see her outside of school, and seeing her at school is already way too much for my liking.

Or worse, she’ll turn her against me. She’ll use her friendly disposition to lure her in, and then she’ll brainwash my unsuspecting little sister and make her think that I’m the bad guy here.

I walk outside, and the cool January air hits me. Goosebumps immediately pop up all over my arms and legs, despite the sheen of sweat covering most of my body.

“Look, man, I know you and Norah have some weird rivalry that you can’t seem to let go of, even though we’ve all grown up and should be past this…” I turn and give Seth a hard stare, and he shrinks away from me. “Okay, okay, but Hannah really likes her. She was excited for their little friend-date. Don’t ruin it for her, at least.”

What a jerk. He has to go and bring my sister’s emotions into it. Her emotional state has been a little rocky since becoming pregnant. I grit my teeth and take a deep breath through my nose and out my mouth. “Fine,” I say. “I’ll give her until I finish my workout, but then I’m giving Norah a piece of my mind.”

I go back inside, toss my stuff back in my locker, and get back to work. I try my best to think about anything other than Norah—the upcoming dissection we’re doing in class that’s sure to result in someone either puking or passing out, the new brake pads I need to put on my truck, inflation…anything but her.

She may be short and curvy, smiley, and as cute as a button (I will never say that out loud), but I’m not deceived by her little act. The woman is devious. There is no doubt in my mind that she has a running list of potential ways to drive me insane going through her head at all hours of the day. When we were in high school, she used to slip things in my backpack when I wasn’t looking. Once, it was a stinky, smushed tuna sandwich. I—and all the people around me—sat in class, holding our noses, until I figured out it was coming from my bag. She never admitted to doing it, but I know it was her. Who else but her would do something like that to me?

I’m convinced that her upbeat demeanor is just a cover to lure unsuspecting victims into her web so she can use them all to make my life a living nightmare. I know that’s what she’s trying to do with Hannah right now. It was a wonderful thirteen years without her. All good things must end, I guess.

Seth and I finish our workout and take quick showers in the gym locker room. I throw on the jeans and black t-shirt I brought with me and then smooth my hair down in the mirror, taking extra time to tame a cowlick with some gel.

“Are you sure this is necessary? Norah really isn't as bad as you think. Dare I say it? She’s actually super nice,” Seth babbles next to me.

“That’s what she wants you to think,” I say. I sling my bag onto my shoulder and walk out of the locker room. Seth follows me through the gym and out into the parking lot, listing all of Norah’s wonderful qualities. I’m convinced he’s making all of it up.

“The woman is a menace to society,” I argue. I hop into my truck while Seth stands in the parking lot, watching on in bewilderment. I don’t care what he says, I won’t stand for Norah taking over every aspect of my life. She’s already invaded my school and my gym, and that’s where it will end. I refuse to welcome her into my personal life.

I drive to the coffee shop and park in front of the building. The two of them are sitting in front of the window, talking with smiles on their faces. They’re complete opposites in appearance. Hannah with her straight, blonde hair, pale skin, and blue eyes, while Norah has wild, curly, dark-brown hair, tanned skin, and brown eyes. Hannah is somewhat tall for a woman, while Norah is short—so short that the only thing keeping her from looking like a child is her abundance of curves. Curves that I would find tempting if they were on just about anyone else.

I walk into the coffee shop, and the first thing I hear is her husky voice. “No way! Your friend wrote a book? That’s amazing!” Does she really think it’s amazing that Millie wrote a book, or is she just going after all my friends’ significant others as a means to infiltrate my life? Probably the latter because she’s the worst. I’ll have to text Jameson to let him know to keep his wife away from Norah.

Hannah’s facing the door, so she spots me as soon as I walk in and sits up straighter to talk to me. “Is it your cheat day, Colby?” she asks. Norah immediately turns around to look at me. She gives me a crooked smile, and I narrow my eyes at her, letting her know that I know what she’s doing here and she won’t get away with it. She giggles and turns back around to face Hannah. I’ve heard that giggle a thousand times before. It reminds me of all the times in high school I had to listen to her flirting with other guys. It was so annoying. Those boys weren’t even funny, and she’d laugh at them anyway. Talk about giving them false confidence. Why is she giggling like that right now?

“It is now,” I reply to my sister. It isn’t actually my cheat day. That’s usually reserved for guys’ night, but that doesn’t happen as often as it used to since Jameson and Seth are both married now. Jameson is busy with his wife, Millie, and his teenage sister-in-law, Lo, and Seth is using most of his free time to help Hannah run their bookstore. I’m the lone bachelor of the bunch these days, and that won’t be changing anytime soon. I would have to date for that to change, and I don't have the patience for dating. I like the peace that I have being on my own anyway. I don’t need a woman coming in and trying to rearrange my life.

“Well, come join us after you order! I’m assuming you know Norah?” she asks, and Norah bursts out laughing. It’s a rich, deep sound, and I wish I could say I hated it. Much different from the cackle I remember. Hannah looks between the two of us with pursed lips, and I just roll my eyes and turn toward the counter.

I order my coffee and a breakfast sandwich and sit down beside Hannah. I stare right at Norah sitting across from me. She smiles and pushes her hair back from her face, looking me in the eye without a hint of nervousness. Meanwhile, my heart is hammering away inside my chest.

“Almond-milk latte and a turkey-sausage-and-egg-white sandwich?” the girl working the counter asks when she brings over my order.

“Yep. That’s me,” I say, sitting up straighter to take my food.