I have Jaxson.
Through all the pain consuming me, one thought breaks through.
I’m so glad he didn’t spend the night.
Chapter 1
MARCUS
~The Meeting~
I stare at the list of names.
The screw list.
At first it was a joke, but lately, it’s become a source of comfort. I can’t allow myself to form any attachments. It feels like a storm is coming. I’m scared out of my mind that the same demon that lived inside my father lives inside of me.
As I got older, I started to make sense of what happened that night. Dad got laid off, and he cracked under the pressure of losing his job. I’ll never forgive him for being so weak.
I don’t think I’ll ever understand how he could try to kill me. How he could kill Mom and Summer. I can’t wrap my mind around it. It’s fucking insane.
When I look at Jaxson, I know I’ll do everything in my power to protect him. He’s my family. I try to picture having a son and daughter of my own. Hell, I can’t even imagine killing a stranger, never mind my own kids.
I’m still struggling to accept that my father turned out to be such a monster.
My biggest fear is that the same monster lives inside of me. That’s why I don’t let anyone get
close to me.
Except for Jaxson.
He’s the only one who sees the real me. He’s been there through it all – the anger, the sorrow – the fear.
People think I’m a ruthless bastard, but it’s all an act. It’s the only way I can ensure that I’ll never turn into my father. If there’s no one to love, there’s no one to hurt.
The day I started the Screw Crew list, we were all drunk and dicking around.
Now I look at the list, and I see all the names of women I can’t hurt. Women I won’t fall in love with, get married to and have children with.
Women I won’t kill.
888
After I’ve put some cologne on, I stare at my reflection in the mirror.
I try to stare the fear away, but it’s always there, simmering in my dark blue eyes. My light brown hair makes the blue of my eyes stand out. I have a strong jaw and a hard mouth – a mouth that spews the biggest load of bullshit. I’ve been called a heartbreaker, handsome, attractive, a bad boy – so many names to hide behind.
There have been times I had wished I was ugly or deformed. That way I wouldn’t attract so many women.
But instead, the demon inside of me was given a striking face so he could lure them in.
I close my eyes and take a deep breath, trying to shove the dark thoughts back down.
There’s a quick knock on my door before Jaxson walks in. I turn away from the mirror and force a smile on my face.
He takes one look at me and says, “You’re nothing like him.”
I shake my head, but I don’t drop my eyes from his. The man in front of me is so much more than just my best friend. He’s my sanity. He’s the only thing on this fucking planet that keeps me grounded.