“I’m going to bed. Tell Mia I say hello,” Jaxson says.
I point at Jaxson. “Same here. This night sucks balls. I’m going to go sleep it off.”
“We’ll help clean up when we get back on Sunday.”
“Right.” Jaxson lets out a skeptical chuckle. “I’ll believe that shit when I see it.”
I watch the guys walk back into the house before I look back at Jaxson.
“I agree with Carter,” Jaxson says.
“Yeah?” I pick at the blades of grass at my feet.
“You have to stop hiding behind this bullshit fear that you’ll go on a rampage one day and kill everyone you love. Truthfully, I don’t think that’s your problem.”
“What’s my problem then?”
“You’re fucking scared of losing another person you love. That’s why you don’t even let the guys in. You think if you keep everyone at a distance then nothing will be able to hurt you again.”
“I let you in,” I argue.
“That’s because I didn’t give you a fucking choice.”
I nod as I think about what he just said. There are no words to describe the pain when you wake up and find out that your entire world has been wiped out. Everything you’ve loved has been erased as if it never existed.
“I don’t even have a photo of them,” I whisper. “Your mom got rid of everything.”
Jaxson stands up and holds his hand out to me. “Come on. I have something for you. I was waiting until you were ready.”
I grab hold of his hand, and he pulls me up. I follow him back into the house. When we walk into his room, I go sit on the bed and watch him take a huge box out of the back of his closet.
“I packed this for you when I was helping my mom. I can’t remember everything I put in there. I thought I’d keep it in a safe place until you talked about it.”
He places the box at my feet. It has my name scribbled on the top in Jaxson’s handwriting.
“You packed me a box of stuff?” I ask as emotions swell in my chest.
“Keep in mind that I was ten. I think I even threw your dirty underwear in there.”
I let out a burst of laughter as I reach for the box. I open it carefully. The first thing I see is Summer’s wings. The sparkle in the electric light as I pick them up. The little bands that used to go around her shoulders are worn through, and half the glitter has been rubbed off. She wore them every day. Mom used to complain about the glitter messing all over the house.
A sound bubbles up my throat, and it gets hard to breathe. It feels like my heart is drowning in all the pain.
I let out a burst of laughter that’s strangled by a sob as I pick up the motorbike Jaxson and I built. The sticker falls off, drifting back into the box as I stare at it.
The first photo I see is of Summer’s first day of school. Dad’s not in it because he was behind the camera.
My hand shakes as I take hold of the frame and I can’t keep the tears back anymore.
“Jax,” I groan as pain overwhelms me. Seeing her bright smile, her rosy cheeks, and the wild curls framing her innocent face, is too much.
Jax sits down next to me and places his arm around my shoulders.
“I’m here,” he whispers.
“Fuck, it hurts,” I growl as my tears start to blur the image of her little face.
I wipe the tears away and look at Mom’s face. I don’t remember her being so young. Now that I’m twenty-two, thirty-four doesn’t seem so old anymore.