Chapter 11
Mia
I haven’t slept. I’ve been sitting on the couch trying to make sense of it all. I had to tell Logan so he’d understand why I was reacting so strongly, but I didn’t mean to hurt him. I just needed more time to think about my life, both the past and the future. I don’t want to start a relationship with this cloud hanging over our heads. Now I don’t have to worry about starting a relationship at all because Logan walked out of here making it very clear that it’s over between us before it even started.
Rhett comes out of his room, and I wait for him to make some coffee.
I let my eyes drift over his apartment, wondering what the walls would say if they could talk. How many dreams have they seen come true? How many hearts have they seen shatter to pieces.
The expensive leather couch. The huge TV that takes up half the wall. Every piece of carefully selected art. None of it matters. It’s all a mask to keep people from seeing the soul who lives here.
My eyes go back to Rhett, and I watch as he walks towards me. His stride is confident. My brother is attractive. I’ve had girls ask me for his number. Some even begged me to put in a good word for them.
To the outside word it looks like Rhett Daniels has it all. Good looks, a healthy bank balance, a closer circle of friends.
If you look deeper, you’ll see the pain he keeps hidden from the world.
The pain of failing his sister. The pain of losing his father when he needed him most. The pain of trying to find comfort in a warm body, only to feel worse once it was over.
Rhett has always been there for me, but watching him take a seat, I realize I’ve never truly been there for him.
“Morning,” he says, looking like he didn’t sleep at all either. “So, you and Logan?”
I can’t look Rhett in the eyes as I let the words fall over my lips. “No. There’s no Logan and me.”
“Seriously, Mia. Are you going to let this come between you and Logan?”
I bury my face in my hands and fight to hold back the tears. “Connor used me. He made me think I meant something and when he was done, he threw me aside like yesterday’s trash. He told every guy on the football team that I was easy. It took weeks before it stopped.”
“Before what stopped?”
“I was easy so they felt they had all the right in the world to slap my ass, to make crude remarks of how they would fuck me.”
When I hear the mug fall on the table, I get up to leave. I can’t do this. It shredded me seeing Logan’s reaction, but Rhett’s will be the end of me.
I dart to the side, but Rhett’s faster, locking me against his chest in a heartbeat. My legs give way from the ache eating at what’s left of me. Rhett lifts me up and sits down with me on his lap, holding me as I fall apart.
I don’t know if we sat like that for minutes or hours, but when I’m all cried out, all I can do is stare at nothing.
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“I want yesterday back. I want to go back to when we were all living in North Carolina, and my biggest worry was not knowing how to kiss.”
“I want that too,” he whispers distraughtly.
“I want to go back to waking up on Sunday mornings, and smelling the bacon burning, as Dad tries to make us breakfast.”
Rhett starts to shake against me, and I know he’s crying.
“I want to go back to sneaking into your room in the middle of the night, because I knew you’d keep me safe from the monsters under my bed.”
“Mia,” he cries, burying his face in my hair. “I led the fucking monsters right to you.”
I hold him tightly, as he cries for not being able to protect me. I wait for him to calm a little before I go on, needing to get it all out in the open today.
“I was trying so hard to prove to myself I could make it without you, I could survive anything life threw at me, that I lost myself in the process. I can’t remember what used to make me happy before it all happened. I think that’s the hardest. Honestly, I think I dealt with Connor using me. Did it take a huge chunk out of my self-esteem? I won’t lie. It did, but I’ve worked hard to build myself back up. I’ll always be sad that I gave my virginity to an asshole, but I’m not traumatized. It’s just, I don’t know who I am, and that’s why I can’t decide what to do with the rest of my life.”
Rhett kisses my forehead and whispers, “I can’t change what happened, but will you let me show you what used to make you happy?”