Stir

Nodding, I take a deep breath and try to not look so mussed. I fix my hair and walk down the stairs on unsteady legs. “What took you so long?” My mother asks not looking up. I stand in the middle of the kitchen trying to figure out what to say when Rayna turns and looks at me. Her eyes are knowing somehow, but I see the dismissal of her first thought. Of course she wouldn’t be thinking I am the one fornicating.

“Are you alright?” she asks me, walking over to me. I look and see neither of my parents are paying attention so I shake my head no, being as honest as I can, and trying to hold back the tears. She reaches to wrap her arms around me, but my mom turns at that moment.

“Imogen dear you don't look too good.” My mom says walking over to me.

“Is she fevered?” My father asks from the sitting room. Mama checks my head and turns back to him.

“She feels sweaty.” Yeah just not for the reason they are thinking. “Is it your womanly?” I nod my head slightly hoping it is less of a sin if I don't fully nod. “Here take these.” She hands me some pain pills and a glass of water.

“Well considering you are ill; you can skip the retreat. I will call your sister at work and have her keep an eye on you in case you need anything.” He says in his finite manner.

“Thank you father.” I say before turning back to grab the plates. My mind is reeling about how easy that was and how much less work I had to do to make it happen.

Right as I get the table set, Rayna comes back downstairs and she has changed out her shirt. My eyes basically bug out when I see a red mark on her neck. Immediately I am wondering if she knows it is there. “Rayna, what is that on your neck?” My mom asks, examining it closely. I see my father’s movements still and I don’t know what to do. I look at Rayna and she hasn’t skipped a beat. I don’t know what is happening, but then she shocks me with her answer and how easily it rolls off her tongue.

“We were studying outside at a youth group and I got bitten by a spider.” She doesn’t stop bringing the food to the table. It was like second nature and I say that because I know it is not a spider bite. It looks like the marks on my breasts from Alex.

“Oh dear. Did you put medicine on it? Those things can be poisonous.”

“Yes mama I did.” My mom nods satisfied and father has gone back to his work. Dinner is quiet with the four of us and before I know it, it is time for us to clean up and for my parents to leave. Part of me cannot believe they are both going. My father has gone to other churches to preach in other cities and stayed for a few days, but my mom is always here attending to us. Something about this feels weird and scary. Like I am missing something.

Aasta comes home before my parents leave and we three stand there, listening to his warnings about temptation and responsibilities to the husbands we don’t have yet. They make us pray with them for our continued chaste devotion and protection. The entire prayer is uncomfortable for me considering. The moment they walk out the door I feel the energy in the room change.

“Girls, I don’t want to shock you, but you are adults now and I don’t share our fathers view on well. Anything. I am not your guardian or you're conscious. You both have to find your happiness as do I. So, with that said, I will be gone all weekend. I will be back Sunday afternoon.

“Where are you going?” I ask her, concerned.

“I am not ready to share yet, but I am going to be fine.”

I am not going to be home either.” Rayna says. “I will be gone the entire weekend as well.” What the heck?

“Where?” I ask her as well.

“The less I say to you then you don't have to lie. But I promise, you will know soon.”

“Rayna?” I don’t like that my sisters and I don’t talk to one another but then again, I am keeping a major secret myself.

“Imogen, I will be ok. Just know I love you.” She pulls me in for a hug and Aasta wraps her arms around the both of us. I stand here in the kitchen, embracing two of my sisters thinking, are all of us turning our backs on god?

CHAPTER 20

I see the moment her parents pull out of the garage and drive away. I pull myself back several times, stopping myself from dragging her out of that house and carrying her here. That is my instinct. To take what I want. But, this time, this moment, is for her to choose me, us. I am going to sit here and wait for her to come to me. No matter how many holes in the wall I end up with.