Shadows (Dark in You 5)

She danced her fingers over his sleek, solid chest. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

“That scene at the restaurant wasn’t fun. It can’t have been nice to see that your paternal relatives were having a cozy, celebratory meal they didn’t bother to invite you to.”

“Why would they? We’re not close.”

“Because they do shit like that—deliberately exclude you. And it pisses me off that they blame you for the lack of closeness just to make themselves feel better. They could instead oh, I don’t know, treat you like family.”

“I’ve never been part of their family, Tanner,” she said without bitterness. “I don’t expect to be. I was not part of Finn’s plans, and I was certainly not part of Leticia’s. Why should they make room for me in their lives when I’m nothing more than a result of a one-night stand he should never have had?”

“That hurts you,” he said softly.

She shrugged one shoulder. “A little. No one likes being made to feel unwanted, especially by their own blood. But it’s not a big thing. Take away Finn’s penchant for cheating on women, he’s an okay guy. But he’s not my dad. He’s not the man who loved and supported and raised me. He’s just a guy who forgot to use a condom. For him, I’m a mistake that almost cost him his family.”

“No, baby, what he did was a mistake.” Tanner caught her face with his hands. “You are far from a mistake. And I’ll beat the shit out of anyone who says differently.”

She smiled. “It always feels weird when you’re nice to me.” He just chuckled. “Will you tell me a little about your parents? You don’t have to,” she quickly added.

Tanner could tell by her expression that she truly wouldn’t be upset with him for evading the question. Wouldn’t judge or sulk or accuse him of being too closed off. Honestly, he’d rather avoid the subject, but he heard himself say, “My father was Prime of his lair—a lair which is long gone now. When someone killed and usurped him, they also killed my mother and the other two women he’d bred with.”

Eyes clouding with horror, Devon gasped.

“It gets worse. In total, my father had three other offspring as well as me. They were teenagers. The new Prime snapped their necks, but he didn’t kill me. Maybe he just found the act of killing infants distasteful, or maybe he knew no one in the lair would pledge loyalty to someone who’d kill a toddler—who knows?” But Tanner suspected it was the latter. “He dumped me at Ramsbrook House instead.”

She stroked his chest. “Do you remember any of it?”

“No. I don’t even remember my parents. The staff told me the story when I was old enough to understand.” His only childhood memories centered around Ramsbrook. In some ways, he figured that made his stay there easier than for those kids who’d come from a happy home or were grieving people they loved.

“Is the bastard alive now?” she asked, eyes hardening.

“What do you think?”

“I think you wiped him from the face of the Earth pretty soon after you left the home.” Her tone said she hoped he did.

Yeah, that was exactly what Tanner had done. “He got what he had coming to him.”

“I don’t disagree.” She sifted his hair through her fingers. “Is that part of why you’re reluctant to have kids? You don’t want them being hurt by people who seek to hurt you?”

Tanner blinked. “Maybe. I never really thought about it.” He wasn’t much into self-reflection. “You want kids?” Something flashed in her eyes—something dark and … sad? Whatever it was, it raised his hackles.

She swallowed hard. “Yeah.”

Fuck if the thought of her pregnant with another man’s kid didn’t make his stomach roll. “But you want a mate for that, huh?”

“Yep.”

“What triggered your demon’s want of a mate?”

“Seeing Harper and Knox so settled. It envies them. Wants to be important to someone. Wants that same loyalty, trust, and commitment.”

He gave a slow nod of understanding. It happened to all demons at some point. It had just happened to Devon’s feline a lot sooner than he’d banked on. “And that’s what you’re looking for as well?”

“Is that so bad?”

“No. But you’re already important to a lot of people, kitten.” Including him. “You have their trust and loyalty.”

“It’s not the same,” she said with a weak smile. “I’ll bet the loyalty and trust that exists between you, Knox, and the other sentinels has kept you all reasonably grounded. But I’ll bet it also doesn’t fulfill Knox in the same way that his relationship with Harper does.”

“It’s not the same,” he agreed, thinking of how much more balanced and whole Knox was with Harper in his life. The guy’s inner demon was no less cold and brutal, but its mental state had stabilized since it had taken her as its mate.